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| Dead Man Wheezing | |||||||||||||||||||
| Sick as a Fuggen' Dawg. |
So I've been home from work for the past three days, in the pit of hell. I had to go to the hospital last night because of my ass-mar. It's strange how everyone's so very Stepford Wife in Thousand Oaks (where I'm staying this week). I don't think there was a moment that went by in the ER where I didn't see a Pamela Lee-level fake blonde nurse stride by, Ocean Pacific t-shirt on torso, and white coral surfer necklace around neck, looking as though she'd just been poked by the Happy Ass Cattle Ranch's finest prod. What is it like to wipe asses for three days in a row from 3 a.m. to 3 p.m., stopping only to drop your kids off at their Girl Scout meetings? Driving home to dream about catheters and bashed-in skulls? Maybe I'm just being morbid, but how on -earth- can you be so fucking happy and still be a nurse? | ||||||||||||||||||
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I think that one of the best things about being in an ER of any kind is hearing the death throes coming from either side of you. The only thing seperating you and these half in, half out of existence creatures is a big shower curtain. I've never heard a code blue beep, thank God, but last night there was a choking, vomiting gurgle emanating from the left-hand cubicle that sounded like something out of a snuff film. The only sound I was making was the death rattle cough ... no unearthly moans from moi this time around. I wonder if they give people the last rights in hospitals any more. Is there a priest that comes by, rosary and all? Or is that too un-PC for 1999? | The youngest filly in the E.R. | ||||||||||||||||||
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| It's my wife, and it's my life. |
I wish I could take a picture of this huge bruise on my right arm and show you just how much damage a nurse can do while trying to put an intravenous needle in. They had to give me steroids to open up my lungs a little, and so this required an i.v. I don't know if this nurse was on something, but she tried to poke the same little, invisible vein in my right arm with a big hollow needle for a full two minutes before deciding this wasn't going to work. She even flushed the incorrectly inserted needle out with saline. Woof! Now, if you just look at my arms, I look like a Lou Reed song. I have some cool i.v. stories to tell, but maybe that's for another day. Too much hospital talk gets everybody down. | ||||||||||||||||||
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Okay, maybe I should fill you in on my life since my last entry. I went to the Denver Rocky Horror convention and lost the Janet costume contest ... again! (Yes!!) I met some secksie people who reminded me what being a kool kid was like, and felt like "one of them" for an hour or so. I got rose-scented boobies rubbed on my face at a Denver strip club ... the highlight of my trip. I caused a car crash by walking across a parking lot with two men who were dressed as Antony and Cleopatra. I missed dancing at an 80's club for the third week in a row. I went out on a pseudo date, and another pseudo date. I missed two weeks of work out of the past three weeks. I got a smile from a woman who hates me. I was my old, forgettable self. | So give us some REAL dirt. | ||||||||||||||||||
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| Whatever you do, don't click on the door. It takes you to the Twilight Zone. | ||||||||||||||||||
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