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Three days after my reunion with Eric, I come downstairs to turn in my latest research assignment, Jupiter's effect on the other bodies in the solar system. I worked on it all night, fine tuning every thought, rechecking my data several times. Have I become a perfectionist?
"Thank you, Shannara," Data says as I hand the data padd to him. He is sitting in his favorite chair, smoking his pipe. "I trust you are satisfied with your findings?"
"If I'm not satisfied at this point, I never will be," I respond. "I think it's time to let Jupiter rest."
Data chuckles. "Good." He sets the assignment on the end table. "I am not giving you a new assignment until tomorrow. Today, we will be having visitors. Commander LaForge and his family will be joining us at lunchtime."
"I thought the Enterprise was departing for Rigel III later today," I say, wondering why the chief engineer would take a pleasure trip right before embarking on a long journey.
"They are. However, Geordi tells me he has some important news he would rather share with me in person. Please be on your best behavior when we welcome him and his family into our home." He walks up to the mantel and presses the intercom button. "Jessal, please prepare a lunch today. I am expecting guests at 1300 hours."
"There'll be a meal fit for kings in the dining hall, sir," the housekeeper replies. "Mark my word."
"Thank you, Jessal. What would I do without you?" He looks back toward me, expectantly.
"I will be a gracious hostess," I promise. "I enjoyed working with Commander LaForge when we charted the pocket wormholes and I look forward to seeing him again." Although I am sincere, I feel anxious about the meeting. He is a close friend of my parents. What if he shares their view about my involvement with the Continuum?
Data nods. "He has told me that he enjoyed the experience as well." Snuffing out his pipe, he returns it to its case. "I will be playing with the kittens if you need me for anything." He exits the room.
I sit on the sofa and think about what I should wear for this occasion. Geordi LaForge is an old and dear friend and wouldn't expect us to greet him too formally. Yet, I don't feel comfortable in my everyday jumpsuit. As I'm thinking about this, looking down at my legs, a spot begins to form on the cushion next to me. At first, I tell myself that it was already there and I've been overlooking it, but soon it grows noticeably bigger and changes from black to brown to red. I jump up when the spot spreads and watch as the entire sofa turns crimson.
"Q!" I exclaim. "If you've ruined Data's antique sofa..." If what? What could I possibly threaten Q with? "I'll join another faction." I know my threat sounds hollow, but after it is spoken, the sofa returns to its original beige cover.
Sure I haven't seen the last of Q's tricks, I look around the room for other changes. The brass candle holders setting over the mantel are now purple. I pick up one of them to examine whether the metal has changed color or if the holders have been painted...not that it makes much difference...and verify the former. "Q, this is not funny. These are priceless antiques. Maybe from your perspective there's no such thing, but mortals value pieces from past centuries." I return the holder to the mantel and place my hands on my hips. "What kind of game are you playing this time, Q? You could at least show yourself."
No Q flashes into the room. Nothing happens. I glance back at the candle holders to see they are once again a natural-brass color.
Searching the room for the next several minutes, I find nothing else out of the ordinary. "Since you won't appear Q, I'm going upstairs to tell Data of this behavior."
Despite my knowledge of Q's stubbornness, I hold out hope, until I reach the top landing, that he will flash before me. I shake my head, frustrated and approach the cat room. Why must I constantly be the object of Q's games? I will never make any good impressions in this verse with Q always hanging invisibly over my shoulder.
I enter the cat room and find Data on the floor. With three kittens crawling over him, he looks quite silly. I burst into laughter. "They seem to have their run of you."
"You should try playing with them every once in a while, Shannara," he tells me. "It is very therapeutic."
Walking up to him, I drop to my knees and take one of the kittens from him. Caring for lesser lifeforms really can make you feel better about yourself. As I pet the small creature, I tell Data of Q's latest peculiar game. "What do you suppose he's up to? Q's nothing if not strange, but this is bizarre even for him."
"He probably wishes to make a mockery of our luncheon today. He can reek all the havoc on us he wants and we will be unable to stop him. However, there is one thing he cannot accomplish: He cannot dampen our spirits if we do not allow him. Geordi understands Q's ways and he will not blame either of us for whatever act Q performs today."
I nod, although I'm not completely convinced. Data respects me regardless of my involvement with Q and has trouble realizing that not everyone shares his opinion of me. LaForge may see me as a traitor, to my parents, to the Enterprise, to all of my kind. I did choose to travel through the Continuum of my own free will. And although I long for the friendship of others, I can't say I regret having made that decision.
"You're not worthy."
"What did you say?" I ask, startled.
"I said we should not worry," Data responds.
"No...." I glance down at the kitten in my arms and it grins back at me. Either the kitten has miraculously evolved since I picked it up or another Q is invading my space. I can sense the malevolence scorching my skin like phaser fire. "Data, I have to go," I exclaim, jumping up. Spooked, the kitten goes flying. If I stay, I'll place Data in danger! I run out of the room, down the stairs and open the front door before I stop to ask myself: What am I doing?
I turn around and see Data standing at the landing. "You mind telling me what has come over you?"
"Someone is here," I reply. "Maybe a bunch of someones. I don't know what they plan to do." Shaking my head, I don't know whether to run back toward Data or to flash out. Would they follow me or stay behind to destroy the verse I was born into? "I don't want another battle like the one at Janaran Falls." Then louder, to include my unknown enemy, I add, "Show yourself! Deal with me face to face. None of this hide and seek, you coward!"
"Shannara," Data interrupts. He is at the bottom step by now. "Stop and consider what you are inviting."
Inviting! Is he implying that I want to initiate a battle? "I'm not like Q. I want peace."
"When you first came upstairs, you told me that you thought Q...the one we all know so well.... was playing a game with you. What happened up there to change your mind?"
"Maybe it was Q. I don't know," I say, waving my arms. "But I'm sensing others. Perhaps they followed him hear. I do know one thing: wherever I go, Q follows...and maybe they will, too." I turn back toward the open door. "I'm going for a walk. Please don't try to stop me. I'll be back in time for the luncheon." I walk no more than two hundred meters, half-turn to make sure Data has not followed me, then Q-flash to the Continuum. Someone is playing a game with me and I'm determined to get to the bottom of it.
*****
With infinite trips into the Continuum, every flash would paint a different canvas. Every Q who comes into existence seems to bring a new idea as to the nature of the Continuum. I haven't yet figured out what I expect from the Continuum and with this indecisiveness, I fear that I will become trapped with the lost Q as Q warned.
Another time this fate may be unavoidable, but that time is not today. Now is the time for judgment.
I find myself standing before three Q, two men and a woman. They are dressed in suits and each has an open manila folder before them. We are inside a small room with drab brown walls and it is unfurnished other than the table they sit at. A single window looks out at a garden of flowers, a striking contrast to our immediate surroundings. What motivated them to create this version of the Continuum? What does it represent?
There is no chair for me and although I could easily produce one, I sense these Q would frown on such a blatant disregard to their authority. So I clutch my hands together in front of me, feeling very much like a prisoner on trial.
"We weren't finished reviewing your case," the man on the right says. "You would like us to be thorough, wouldn't you?"
"She doesn't care. Faction 13's already accepted her," the man on the left says.
"I have not joined any faction!" I say defensively.
"Don't you know anything?" the woman asks. "We're talking about the Continuum. The Continuum! Have you been admitted into the Continuum?" Her face grows bright red and I fear she will cast me out if I don't deliver the answer she wants to hear.
"Well, Q...."
"Q!" the one on the right exclaims with a laugh. "What does he know? He thinks he can bring about great change and reunite our people into one government." He lifts several papers from his folder and grips them tightly. "This is how it's been for seven-million years. Why are you so deserving?"
Before I can answer, the other man is blurting out a question of his own. "What reason do you even have to live?"
I raise me hands to stop the woman before she blurts out another inquiry. "As far as being deserving, I'm sure I'm at least as deserving as any one of you three. As for living, I'm not about to commit suicide, so you're just going to have to deal with me. Now answer a question for me: have you been playing your Q games with me?"
"No!" all three exclaim in unison.
"I assure you that we take our role within the Continuum very seriously," the woman responds. "We do not play games like so many other Q. They are a waste. It is our duty to weed out all but the most respectable Q. Tell us, why do you spend a great deal of your time in a single verse? Not very practical."
"There are many other Q who do the same."
"A worthless lot they are! If you spent any amount of time with any of them, you'd realize how boring they are. Hardly worthy of Continuum membership, but 13 admitted them anyway."
"That's why we came along," the one on the right says.
"To protect the Continuum from being run amok from those like you," the other finishes.
"Those like me? I'm only a fifteen-year old half-Klingon girl. Do you expect all Q to conform to your criteria? You might as well populate the Continuum with paper-doll cutouts. Or are you really afraid someone like me will bring about the change this verse has needed for millennia? Is it because I'm empathic? Most of the other Q I've met have been covetous of that ability."
"I assure you, not us," the woman says smugly. "We could care less whether you sense that we're happy or sad. You say you rarely leave home. What have you created? What have you become? What could you possibly do for the good of all Q?" Closing my eyes, I brace myself for a trip to a penalty box. I'm getting the impression that their faction has entrapped many a Q for no greater crimes than choosing the wrong faction. "What other qualities do you possess? Are your people known for their intellect? From what I hear, Klingons show a tendency for barbarism."
Opening my eyes, I say, "Please tell me you're smart enough not to judge an individual based on their entire race? Besides, I'm also part human and part Betazoid."
The woman laughs. "We've heard more than enough about humans. Q's involvement with them has nearly made a mockery of the Continuum."
Placing my hands on my hips in defiance, I concentrate on a quip that will put this trio in their place. Nothing comes to mind. Instead I ask, "Do you know who's been playing games with me?"
"Don't you?" the Q on the left asks. Although he means to mock me, his tone and the fear he projects toward me tells me all I need to know from them.
"You claim to be all-knowing, but you have no more of a clue than I do."
The three huddle together to confer and I wait impatiently for them to speak to me again. When they look at me again, the woman addresses me. "We will take your application into consideration. Now be gone!" She waves her hand and suddenly, I'm hurdled into a dark and damp place. Clutching my arms, I try to ward off the shivers wracking me. Q aren't supposed to feel physical discomforts! "Q!" I yell. What if this is their version of a penalty box and I am to remain here until they finish evaluating my application? How long will that take? I wonder as I feel my way around. I am inside a small cavern with no apparent opening. As demeaning as it is, I start to cry. "I'm so sorry, Data," I mumble. "I promised you I would be back for the luncheon. I wanted to prove to you that I could act like a lady in front of your guests. But there are Q out there far more powerful than I am."
I sit on a protruding rock face, allowing my tears to flow freely. An hour passes, perhaps more. I call out for forgiveness until my voice grows hoarse. I lean my head against the cavern wall and my body becomes numb from the cold.
"My apologies for taking so long to answer your plea," someone says. "I was busy helping an Araknian out of a tight squeeze."
"Q!" I say, recognizing the voice of the entity who helped me at the Market Day Fair. "Why did you come here? This place is a prison."
"Dear, this is your penalty box; not mine." He places a hand on my shoulder and I sense that he wishes to reassure me. "I am able to come and go as I please."
I grasp his hand as though it will prevent him from leaving me. Never have I felt so lonely, so desperate for company. "I can't bear to stay here alone for eternity. What have I done that warrants this punishment?"
"When it comes to Q, sometimes that you simply exist is reason enough for her. Faction 99 may not reach a decision on your case for a thousand years, and Q would be content to leave you here for the duration."
"A thousand years! You have to help me!"
"That is why I am here. I told you that you could call on me whenever you needed help. My sweet child, I meant it. Now close your eyes."
Although I don't understand why I need to close my eyes for him to Q-flash us out of this prison, I don't argue with the request. I feel a slight jolt, and when I open my eyes a moment later, I realize I'm alone laying on my bed. "Thank you, Q," I say and stand up. "Computer, what time is it?"
"The time is 12:54," the computer drones.
I have six minutes before the scheduled luncheon. Hopefully, our guests have not yet arrived. Using the power of the Q, I change my outfit into a pair of Khakis and a silk blouse. I glance at my image in the mirror and satisfied, dash out of the room and down the stairs.
I am momentarily stopped by the current appearance of the family room, which is ablaze with vibrant pinks and purples. "Not now, Q!" I exclaim, grinning. I have no doubt whose handiwork this is and I'll deal with him later.
As I step outside, I discover that our guests have just arrived. Geordi LaForge and his wife, Leah are talking with Data while their three children are checking out the surroundings, playing with the yard decorations as though they were toys. I walk up to them. "Hello Brett," I say. "How are you doing?"
He shrugs without making eye contact with me and places his hands in his pocket. Awkwardly, he walks a few meters away from me. What has he been told about me?
I turn to his sisters, hoping since they are younger that they won't be as impressed by rumors about me. "Rebecca, Sydney, how do you like Earth?"
"Fine," Rebecca says while her sister responds, "It's 'kay," at the same time.
The adults halt their conversation to look in our direction. I sense mixed emotions coming from Geordi LaForge. Although he feels distrust toward Q, he doesn't know how to react toward me. After all, I am only a child and the daughter of two of his dearest friends. He approaches us and picks up four-year old Sydney. I expect him to whisk her away, to protect her from the horrible creature I've become.
"Syd, tell her about the horses you saw at the preservation park," he coaxes his daughter.
"There was a brown one and a white one," she responds, looking at her daddy.
"It was grey!" Rebecca argues.
"What matters is they were beautiful creatures," their father says, stopping the argument. "And that we had fun visiting them. Now this is our last day on Earth, probably for quite some time and I hope that we can all enjoy this visit." He looks at me to let me know I'm included.
Data and LaForge's wife come up to stand behind him. "Jessal should have your meal prepared by now," Data says. "Why not continue our chat inside, at the dining table?"
Geordi and Leah nod their agreement. I, however, hesitate wondering whether Q is done with his artistic work. Slowly, I nod anyway and we follow Data inside. To my relief, everything in the downstairs seems to be returned to normal and I'm not faced with trying to explain everything to our guests. I know the power of the Q, but I have no idea why Q is playing this particular game.
We make our way into the dining room where Jessal is setting the last of our food on the table. "Welcome," she says. "Enjoy your meal." She moves toward the door.
"Jessal," Data says. "Stay and eat with us."
She smiles her appreciation and doesn't hesitate to join us at the table. As the food is passed around, first to our guests and then to Data, Jessal and I, I inconspicuously use the power of the Q to allow myself to feel hunger. Eating is a pleasure I often forego as of late and I savor every bite. During lunch, the conversation remains late, with Data and Geordi mostly discussing interesting missions from the time they served together. When Jessal brings out desert, cherry pie and ice cream, Geordi changes the subject.
"Data," the commander begins, "I guess now is as a good a time as any to tell you why Leah and I wanted to meet with you today." He reaches out to grasp Leah's hand. "We've been discussing it for the past few months and two weeks ago, I put in my notice. I'm retiring from Starfleet."
"We found a beautiful home on Rigel III," Leah says. "It's a close commute to the Daystrom Institute." She takes a deep sigh, obviously anxious to share some news of her own. "They've asked me to come back with a very sweet offer. I said, 'yes.'"
"Leah wants to get back into the research part of engineering, and I, well...I'm ready to live out a dream I've been romanticizing about for years. I never told you Data that I fantasized about writing one of the greatest novels of the galaxy. I had a passion for engineering and I knew there was not enough time in my life to fulfill both dreams, so I saw no point in telling people. Now, although I expect to live a long while yet, I'm no longer a young man possessed with unlimited energy. Writing will be more relaxing for me."
"That is quite an inspiring dream," Data responds. "I understand about life changes, having made one myself. I wish you well, both of you."
"Can I say something?" I ask, and all the adults look in my direction. "Don't ever regret making this change. Find the time to explore not only your surroundings, but yourselves and your children. No matter what career you choose now or in the future, never place it above your family." I lower my gaze to my plate, ashamed. "Sometimes, there is no turning back."
"We'll certainly take your advice under consideration," Geordi promises. "Speaking of family matters, Data." The commander clears his throat awkwardly. "You have heard that Picard is now residing on the Akodian homeworld, so he can work more closely with them?" After Data nods, he continues. "Beverly is running a medical ship for Starbase 17. It's placing a strain on their relationship. Word is that they haven't been together for months. I don't know if they're going to make it."
"They're allowing their careers to get in the way," I say. "My parents, how are they?" I pray that the rift I've created has not placed a strain on their marriage. Although I cannot reach a compromise with them, it has never been my wish to see them unhappy.
Geordi is taken aback by the question, but recovers quickly. "They're both well. I won't lie to you and say they've never been better. They miss you terribly. If you could only meet them halfway..."
"Commander, they won't even meet me a tenth of the way." I hold my breath for a moment and let it out in a deep sigh. "I'm sorry. Thank you for trying. You may send them my love." I look toward Data, sitting next to me. "May I be excused now?"
He nods and says, "Thank you, Shannara, for being a courteous hostess."
I wipe my mouth with my cloth napkin and stand. "It was nice seeing all of you again," I tell Geordi and Leah. "Good luck with your future." Leaving them behind, I return to my bedroom. I am near tears and I don't know if it's because I'm angry with my parents for not contacting me while they were on Earth or because I'm angry with myself for allowing this distance in the first place. Reaching the sanctity of my room, I cry mercilessly as I haven't done since I was a little girl. I had not realized that seeing Geordi LaForge would effect me in this way.
The Enterprise hasn't left Earth yet. There's still time to make amends! I wipe at my face, mentally writing a message to my parents. *Dear Mother and father: As you're probably aware, Geordi LaForge paid Data and I a visit today....*
My computer console is a misshaped glob. "All right, Q," I say. "I suppose I can be grateful that you did none of this in front of my guests, but enough is enough. Come here now and explain yourself to me!" When he does not comply, I approach my console and bring my hand up to where the viewscreen used to be. "I want to contact my parents!" I feel a strange tingly sensation and jerk my hand back. As I examine my hand thoroughly and notice no physical changes, I recall something Q from Faction 99 asked earlier. She wanted to know what *I* had created; what *I* had become. Maybe this is the purpose to Q's latest game. His antics are quite silly, as they've always been since the first day he appeared before Picard and his bridge crew, but behind the tricks and the riddles, Q often delivers a serious message.
As I sit down on my bed to consider this further, my computer returns to normal. I can write that message now. So why am I not getting up from my bed? Wringing my fingers, I realize that not even the power of the Q could make me send that message...no matter how much I want it to. All hope of living a normal childhood has faded.
"Who needs normal?" I ask myself aloud, thinking I may convince myself. "Normal is so boring." I raise my hand and Q-flash into a rainbow world. I swirl my arms around creating funny shapes. Using the power of the Q, I reshape my own image and glide through this strange world like a worm burrowing through the earth. After a while, I Q-flash again and again, moving on from one world to the next, changing the shape of my surroundings as well as my own image. I can be anywhere, be anything at any time I desire. I am Q. That is what Q was trying to tell me with his game. Faction 99 will just have to get used to me.
I am Q!