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A long journey and a lot of thought have brought me here to this sidewalk. Carrying only my handbag, I walk down the sidewalk to the front doorstep. I will send for the rest of my belongings later if my chosen host doesn't turn me away. He and I were once a great formula. He can't reject me. Where else would I have to go? I cannot return to the parents whom I've shamed. After Grandma's near death, I don't expect Mother will ever forgive me. No, I am no longer welcome aboard the Enterprise.
In contrast, Grandma would probably forgive me readily, but I cannot place her in any further danger. A part of me nearly accepted Q's offer. There are many inside the Continuum who would accept me as I am. Maybe someday I will join them. Today, I am not ready. And while I remain in this universe, there is only one person I know of who may be impervious to the battles of the Q factions.
I ring his doorbell and wait a long, agonizing moment. I'm nearly convinced that he is away, probably teaching a class or off gathering supplies for his latest experiment. Then the door flies open and a robust woman appears in the entryway. "Kind of young looking for Cambridge, aren't you?" the woman asks.
"I'm not a student at the university," I respond. "I'm a friend of Data's from the Enterprise. Is he home?" Wishing I didn't sound overly anxious, I nonetheless poke my head around her shoulder. The centuries-old home, once belonging to Sir Isaac Newton, is filled with antiques.
She steps aside to allow me passage inside. "He's home all right. If you can tear him away from the latest litter. He pays more attention to them sometimes than his prize student."
I suspect that she's telling me that his love for cats has become an obsession and ask her, "Where is he?"
"Upstairs, second door on the right."
As I ascend the winding stairs, I notice a brown tiger cat sleeping on one of the steps. I reach the landing and I barely avoid a collision with a white feline streaking across the hall. How many cats does Data own? I reach the second door to the right and knock.
"Jessal, is that you?" Data asks in a startled voice. I hear his footsteps coming toward me and a moment later, he opens the door, a black and white kitten in his arms. "Shannara!" His shock quickly dissolves into one of extreme pleasure. "Please, come inside and have a seat."
Although by the numerous cat toys laying around the room is obviously used for the cats, there is a sofa at the room's center. I walk over to it and take a seat in its middle. "I was hoping you wouldn't mind me visiting for a while," I tell him as he sits to my left.
"Of course not. You should know that you are always welcome in my home." He continues to stroke the kitten behind the ears. "Does your Grandma have business on Earth. I imagine she must have reason to meet with our president occasionally."
"You haven't heard? Mother hasn't told you?" When he shakes his head quizzically at me, I explain. "Grandma was seriously injured and it was all my fault. If I had listened to my parents, to Captain Riker....to you." Although my voice catches in my throat, I can shed no more tears. I feel unworthy of them.
"Does this accident have something to do with the Q?"
"It was no accident, but it has everything to do with the Q. I should have told Q that I wanted no part in his games. I should never have agreed to let him take me to the Continuum. Now there's no turning back and only one way out."
"He was persistent. Since the first time I met him long before you were born, he has always popped in when he wished and done what he wished. If you need further persuasion, perhaps you would be wise in remember that you saved your brother by going with Q. An honorable act."
Honorable. Father would hardly agree with that assessment, I muse. "I was a coward by taking Q's bluff. He would have returned Eric anyway. He's not malicious like some of the other Q."
The kitten in Data's arm begins squirming and he allows it to jump to the floor. For a moment, we watch in silence as it joins its brothers and sisters in childish plays. They paw at one another and roll on the floor, fighting and yet all an act. If only life could be that simple inside the Continuum.
"I feel like an outcast, Data," I tell him. "I can't go back home, not to Betazed nor the Enterprise. I'm not ready for life inside the Continuum and I'm not sure I ever will be. I didn't know where else to go, who else to turn to. Would allow me to stay here with you? You're my only friend in this universe." I hold my breath. Although Data and I have always enjoyed one another's company, an irrational part of me now fears rejection. What if he insists that my only appropriate option is to return to the Enterprise to live with my parents? He is too busy already with his college students to have any time left to renew my private lessons.
"You are welcome to stay for as long as you like," he responds. "However, I believe it is prudent that you apprize your parents of your location and your well being."
I am surprised more by my tears than the explicit demands. "They hate me."
"No, they do not. They have loved and cared for you since the moment you were born."
"They hate what I've become," I modify.
Data nods musingly. "If you wish, I will contact them for you. I will know you are all right and that you require more time before you will be ready to contact them." He stares into my eyes, his own filled with compassion. "Do not close the door on your parents forever. You will one day wish to see them again and need their love and understanding. Do not underestimate a parent's ability to forgive."
*****
A half hour later, I am still running Data's words inside my mind. It is so easy to say that things will get better, but with my track record, it is almost impossible to believe. At least I have Data. As always.
I wander around the bedroom Data has offered me, familiarizing myself with its accommodations. A large bathroom with a Roman-style tub adjoins the bedroom for my private use. A walk-through closet is accessible from both the bathroom and the bedroom. A sliding door leads out to a terrace. Although I would have settled for moderate living quarters just to be with Data again, I am overwhelmingly delighted with these provisions. This room is far more extravagant than the one I stayed in at Grandma's house.
Approaching the computer interface on the wall opposite the bed, I send a request for the remainder of my belongings to be sent to this residence. I am anxious to settle in and hope to become a long-term guest. Maybe I can forget about the Q and all their factions and ally myself with Data. For how long? I wonder. Q will pop in eventually to remind me of his existence. And of the nature of mine.
A few minutes later, Data buzzes my room to invite me down for dinner. As I join him for soup and sandwiches, I wonder if he realizes that I no more need sustenance than does he. I nearly laugh as we go through the motions of the evening meal. Yet the accompanying conversation is pleasant and reassuring.
"Since this is your first visit to Earth, you should access information on the most popular tourist attractions and visit those which sound most appealing to you," Data says.
"Is this an assignment?" I ask, quite eager to resume our previous roles.
"If you are willing, I would enjoy offering you private lessons once again."
"I wouldn't be taking up too much of your time? I know you already have several classes to teach, papers to grade. I don't want to imposition you."
"I require no sleep. It is not difficult to fit you into my schedule."
I smirk at this and tell him, "I don't require any sleep either." I push my nearly finished plate aside. "In fact, I eat only for pleasure. You and I have become more alike. As an immortal Q, I no longer require such things as a mortal."
Data fixes me with only mild surprise. "I guess I should have realized that from my experiences with Q. When he was once briefly made mortal, the crew had to explain to him how to eat and sleep. He did not understand his basic bodily functions. Someone had to explain to him what a bathroom is used for."
"I suppose he was lucky that breathing came to him naturally," I comment. "He could have suffocated in the amount of time it would have taken to explain the function of his lungs to him." Data and I share a chuckle over the thought of this.
Data's expression mellows and I can sense that he wishes to share something serious with me. "While Q was mortal, he was a frightened, cowardly man. A group of lifeforms known as the Calamarain wanted him dead for actions he committed against them while he was still a Q. They would have succeeded had I not intervened."
"You saved Q's life!" I have always believed that no one else from the Enterprise cared about Q and Data has never mentioned his feelings for my guardian angel. "You must care for him at least a little."
"It is against my ethical programming to let another die if there is a chance to save him."
Despite his adamant faith in his programming, I believe this story to be proof that Data does not despise Q. I take much comfort in that and the knowledge that Data is my ally, our ally, is reinforced. If there is ever anyone in this universe we need to rely on, Data will be there for us.
*****
I take Data up on his suggestion and while he is away teaching his classes each day, I visit the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building in New York, the Eiffel Tower and a tour of the Office of the President in Paris, and several other famous sites.
Oddly, the site which interests me the most is Starfleet Headquarters located in San Francisco. I sign up for one of their daily tours, which begins inside the library where we are shown the latest technological gadgets. Our guide is a Lieutenant David Braxton. He is a young ambitious man, eager to show us around. The grounds cover over three square miles. Of the nine people taking the tour, I am the youngest. Five are human and one is a Tellarite on a business trip. I try not to stare too hard at his nose, but it reminds me of a Targ! The other two are a young Bolian couple on their honeymoon.
For about fifteen minutes, our guide allows us to toy with the gadgets set up around the room. I am intrigued by the latest holo imager and the newlyweds allow me to snap a few pictures of them. They are constantly hugging and kissing. I wonder if my parents behaved that way when they were first married. I'd like to think so. I touch my own lips with my fingertips and wonder when I will be kissed for the first time. If only there were someone interested in me. That will probably never happen.
As the group examines the pictures, the bride tells everyone, "Jabar is considering a career in Starfleet. So we thought it appropriate to plan our honeymoon on Earth. We'd heard how beautiful this planet is and I must say it's true."
"Hon, people don't want to hear about our plans," her husband chastised her, but he runs his finger affectionately along her earlobe as he speaks. "They're here for a tour."
"Yes, but idle chat helps lighten everyone's mood and makes them feel more comfortable with strangers. Don't you agree?" she turns toward me to ask the latter.
I nod tentatively. "You hope to serve aboard a starship someday. I came here to get off one."
The Tellarite grumbles something about coming here because he had to learn diplomatic skills. We glance irritatingly as a group at him, but no one responds to his comment. I suppose some people are incapable of having any fun.
"Don't you miss the excitement?" Jabar asks, no longer reluctant to chat. "Or were you afraid of the dangers you encountered?"
If he only knew of the battles I faced while planetside on Betazed, he wouldn't accuse me of cowardice.
Braxton leads us out the library door and toward the starship graveyard. It is not a salvage yard of junk parts, but rather row after row of dedication plaques honoring lost ships. I am amazed by how many ships were lost to the Borg. Braxton allows our group to wander the graveyard for several minutes, emphasizing how important it is not to forget those who have fallen before us. Locating a plaque toward the east end, I ponder at the complexities its history has brought to the Federation:
In honor of the Stargazer, its captain, Jean-Luc Picard, and his crew.
I feel odd thinking about his death while remembering meeting the man and his wife, Beverly Crusher. Although I'd been told the entire story of their regeneration while I was en route to the Akodian homeworld, it never seemed as real as it did this moment.
"This plaque quite probably has the strangest history of all of them," Braxton comments coming up from behind me.
"I know," I reply, barely able to glance away from the inscription.
"You've heard the story of the Federation's involvement with the Akodians?"
"I know Captain Picard and his wife. I've met Medik Parken. Excuse me for sounding a bit bumptious, but I probably know more about the situation than you do. I was raised aboard the Enterprise and my mother was pregnant with me during their first encounter with the Akodians."
"How wonderful to be raised aboard the Enterprise. But I was not aware that the Enterprise was in orbit around Earth. How long has she been here?"
"No, you misunderstood me. I no longer live on the Enterprise. I'm now living with a dear friend at Cambridge. Certainly, you've heard of the former android commander."
Braxton nodded. "You must miss your parents very much. I remember how lonely I felt the first time I was apart from my family. How long do you intend to visit Commander Data?"
"Actually, I don't plan to return to the Enterprise. I was very unhappy there. It never felt like home. More like a confinement." I turn away from him, afraid of the emotion my face reveals. "Anyway, my parents don't want me to come back."
"You don't believe that."
The guide places a hand on my shoulder and I turn my head to peer into his sympathetic eyes. Why is he so concerned by my troubles? I part my lips ready to demand which faction he's from, then I not only sense in him a great sincerity, but also a vulnerability that can only emanate from a mortal being.
"We should continue the tour," I suggest, "before you end up behind schedule."
After our small group is once again gathered together, Braxton leads us along the sidewalk toward the garden. I am amazed at how much care has been given to keeping the grounds pristine and thriving with greenery. Cupping a flower in my hand, I think about the garden I kept on Betazed and wonder how Grandma is managing. I am suddenly overwhelmed by guilt. What if she's come to believe I don't care about her, because I haven't contacted her?
Sensing someone watching me, I turn to see Braxton staring. Although he doesn't speak this time, he seems to understand what I'm thinking. I stand fully erect and move away from the garden, anxious to move on to the next segment of the tour.
Our guide takes us atop the large aerial tram station that overlooks the entire grounds. I watch a couple shuttlecrafts streak across the sky and marvel at the beauty of the background scenery. Although I'd been planetside for several months on Betazed and enjoyed its beauty immensely, I'd never once visited their Starfleet facility. I feared it would remind me too much of the Enterprise.
And indeed contact with Starfleet does.
Why am I now sad? I don't miss the artificial environment of a starship. That's no substitute for the warm rays of a sun and a gentle breeze.
Yet now I am seeing a part of Starfleet that doesn't include day to day living on a starship far away from any place one could call home. Could I adapt to such a life?
"Thinking about the Enterprise?" Braxton asks.
"Maybe a little," I admit.
"Perhaps you're a little more homesick than you're even admitting to yourself."
"I miss some of the people. Not the Enterprise. My parents chose a life in outer space. I didn't.
"Ask yourself why you chose to take this tour if you're so anxious to forget your roots."
"I'm not anxious. Data just suggested I should visit some of the important places on Earth for the learning experience. In the past few days, I've already visited several other sites before coming here."
"Then I suppose you're not interested in the complimentary shuttle ride?"
I glance back up at the sky and although there are no shuttlecrafts coming in at the moment, I imagine myself inside one. It would probably be nothing like traveling aboard an immense starship. I could have an outside view at all times and glimpse even more of Earth's beauty than this tram affords.
"I'll take the shuttle ride," I say. "It will be interesting watching the world from so high up."
******
Jebar and his wife also eagerly accept Braxton's invitation to take a shuttle ride. The Tellarite in a brusk, paranoid manner, refuses and leaves our party. I am glad to see him go. If he'd stayed much longer, I'd have been liable to turn him into a targ.
There are six seats in addition to the pilot and copilot stations on the shuttlecraft. I start to take a seat behind the married couple when Braxton calls out to me. "Shannara, why don't you sit up here next to me and allow the newlyweds some space." I glance at the couple and notice how far she is leaning over her seat to nuzzle against her husband. Their fingers are intertwined. No one feels that way about one another in the Continuum, I think. If someone would only love me in this world, I don't believe the Continuum would hold any interest for me anymore.
Braxton gestures toward the copilot's chair. "You can assist me," he jokes. I sit down and run my hands curiously across the console. As I smile at him, I sense that he has another more important reason for inviting me up front.
He explains how to start and maneuver the shuttlecraft as he performs each function and even lets me help him bring it up to an altitude of 2,000 meters. After instructing the computer to maintain that altitude and to circle the entire grounds of Starfleet Headquarters, Braxton brings our conversation to a more personal level and I learn why he wanted my assistance.
"I bet you never experienced this onboard the Enterprise," he says. I scan the grounds below us and take in its beauty. I've read a lot about Earth's history and realize just how far humanity has come since the last world war. Three hundred years ago, little had been left of San Francisco, but eventually it was rebuilt with Starfleet at its epicenter. "A huge starship can be rather boring from a kid's point of view. Hours and hours of nothingness through the viewwindow. Believe me, I know. ..I spent a few years in space with my father before signing up at Starfleet Academy."
"If you found space life so boring, why did you join Starfleet?"
"For years, I witnessed my father's excitement over the occasional anomaly. He so enjoyed piloting a starship the away missions, exploring the unknown. I wanted the chance to see the world from his perspective."
"Starfleet is not for everyone."
"True, but with both of your parents assigned to the Enterprise, I would think that Starfleet would be in your blood."
You don't know me and you don't know my parents. Just because I'm part Klingon doesn't mean I feel honor. Just because I'm a little Betazoid doesn't mean I empathize with any thing anyone is feeling. And just because...." I stop myself before I finish verbalizing the thought. *I'm a Q* I was going to say, but how was I going to finish the thought? Did I really consider myself more Q than anything?
"Shannara, don't shut yourself out of your parents' lives and don't be afraid to view the world from their perspective. You may find that Starfleet life is more exciting than you ever imagined. Even if you shut them out of your life forever, no matter who or what you become, you will always have your parents within you."
Am I a coward for running to Data instead of back home to the Enterprise? I'd convinced myself that I wanted to join him to resume my studies and to be with my only true friend. If my motives were that simple, I wouldn't be so hesitant to contact my parents and let them know I'm doing all right.
"You see that building over there?" Braxton asks, directing my attention back to our tour. He is pointing at a titanium-constructed building with a shuttle hangar on its far end. "That's where I instruct fresh young pilots from the Academy, prepare them for their first trip to Mars and their eventual travels outside this solar system." He brings the shuttlecraft to a lower altitude toward the building and for a moment, I believe he's going to land the shuttle inside the hangar. But he means only for me to get a closer look, to consider my options more carefully. Our shuttle glides past and we finish our round trip.
*****
"Data, do you think I'm a coward for not contacting my parents?" I ask only minutes after returning from San Francisco. My chest is so tight and I can hardly breathe.
"It is more important whether you feel as though you are a coward," Data responds. He is standing beside the fireplace, shining the brass candle holders with a soft cloth. I would think he has Jessal to do household chores, but he seems to enjoy the task. "Since you feel the need to ask the question, I must assume you are now feeling guilt over your estrangement with your parents. Do you wish to contact them now?"
I look down at my hands, picking at my long fingernails. "I can't live in two different worlds. When I chose the Continuum over their's, I betrayed their trust and their love."
"You are not in the Continuum now."
"I can't ever expect them to forgive me. And although I'm not there now, I know I will return to the Continuum. Q will call on me again someday."
"What has prompted you to ask this question? Did something happen during your tour?"
"Yes, I spoke with an Academy instructor named Braxton. He was the one giving the tour. He more or less told me to stop being a coward and to look at my situation from the viewpoint of my parents. He doesn't know me or them, though. And he certainly doesn't know about Q.
"Agreed. He only met you briefly today. If you could rid yourself of Q somehow, would you choose that option?"
"I don't know," I answer honestly. "He usually annoys me. He pops in when he feels like it; doesn't show up when I need him....and yes, I do need him at times. But could I live without him after all he's done both to me and for me? I don't think so. It'd be like asking me to forget you were ever my friend."
"I promise you that one thing you will never have to question is our friendship. With all my power, I will help you find an inner peace with whatever you choose for yourself."
"Thank you!" Wrapping my arms around Data, I hold on to him fiercely. I've come home, I realize. We are the original formula, but with a little variation. I like it like this.
