Chapter Ten:
Less than thirty minutes later, Beverly, Dr.
Selar, and Beverly's head nurse, Michelle, were inside
surgical room one ready to begin the delicate surgery
they had outlined.
The genetic mix that made up Shannara Rozhenko was
difficult for even a medical doctor to understand. The
laws of science predicted that Klingon and Betazoid
codes could not be successfully integrated. Klingon
anatomy involved a system of redundancies unlike any
other known sentient species. Controversially,
Betazoids had a far weaker intrastructure, while
possessing superior mental abilities. Yet the little
girl had defied the odds.
Now it was up to Dr. Beverly Crusher and her staff
to overcome the next hurdle. Starfleet Medical had
given their approval of the outlined procedure, but
Beverly still had to fight off nagging doubts.
Although she had no trouble adjusting back to a full-
time routine, Beverly could not forestall her fears
that her regeneration would somehow effect her
performance. She had assisted a few surgeries since
returning to duty, but this would be her first as the
chief surgeon.
Shannara had been demonstrating some innate
empathic abilities which were believed to have been
prematurely activated during her interaction with the
Akodians. As for any Klingon redundancies, some had
been detected while others were impossible to pinpoint-
-until they were needed.
No matter how nervous Beverly felt inside, ever
the professional, she kept a steady hand as
she began the procedure. The trick of the grafting
process was locating healthy, unused brain tissue to
replace the damaged areas that had been controlling
motor and cognitive functions before the accident. No
sentient being used more than ten percent of their
actual brain capacity, so finding the unused tissue was
not the problem. Successfully grafting and encoding
the information stored on the damaged sections of the
girl's brain would be a medical breakthrough if not an
outright miracle. Beverly had every intention of
performing that miracle on this special little girl.
"Michelle, prepare 10 ccs of zorcodiezine,"
Beverly ordered as she checked the girl's vital signs.
Michelle filled a hypospray with the anesthetic.
Doctor and nurse locked eyes as their Vulcan colleague
lowered the stasis field. Then they were galvanized
into action. The nurse handed Crusher the hypospray
and the doctor quickly administered it.
"Heart rate and blood pressure lowering," Dr.
Selar said. Anxiously, Beverly waited for the drug to
take effect. "Heart rate down to thirty-eight." They
could not risk it lowering further. Crusher almost
gave the order to raise the stasis field when Selar
informed her, "Heart rate increasing to 42. . .43. .
.stabilizing."
Beverly reached out and brushed the girl's long
curly hair with her fingers. Fortunately, modern
medicine no longer required the removal of hair before
brain surgery.
"Okay Sweetheart, we're ready to begin."
In the adjoining room, Worf and Deanna Rozhenko
clutched hands and prayed silently for their little
girl. Alexander sat next to them and yet a great
distance still hung between them. He could not forgive
himself, and his parents could not yet deal with him.
Across from them, Lwaxana and Captain Picard were
sitting together. What little they did speak was
offered in whispers. None of them really wanted to
talk, Alexander was sure.
They knew the surgery would take hours, and yet
they stared anxiously at the closed door to the surgery
room, waiting for the news.
Alexander both wanted be there and not to be
there. He had never been so uncomfortable in all his
life. He thought about his sister, the way she had
been before the accident, and remembered her smile
whenever he went to pick her up out of her crib. Her
little hands raised up in the air, she would plead for
someone to take her out of her confinement. On several
occasions when not answered soon enough to her liking,
Shannara had tried to climb out on her own, once even
banging her head, resulting in a large
purple lump for her troubles. She hated being trapped
and Alexander could only imagine how much worse
being trapped in a coma made her feel.
He tried to block out these thoughts, to
concentrate on something else. So he thought about the
one person in his life not Present: Rosa.
He wondered where Rosa was and what she was doing.
He had stopped by her quarters earlier to find her not
there. He had opted not to ask the computer for her
location. Their last encounter having been their
animalistic coupling the night before, Alexander feared
that he had ruined Rosa's life, too.
Getting up, he wandered away from his parents to
afford them some privacy. He thought about what
Counselor Bennett had said earlier about forgiving
himself. Maybe if Shannara pulled through this, he
could. He glanced back at his parents. Deanna had her
head in his father's lap and his father was gently
running his hand through her hair. Deciding they
wouldn't notice his absence, Alexander left the
infirmary to find Counselor Bennett.
****
Not thinking, Alexander walked in to Bennett's
office to find the counselor with another patient. "I-
-I'm sorry," he stammered, feeling ashamed. "I should
have buzzed the annunciator before walking through your
waiting area." I'm so incompetent, Alexander thought.
I'm just making one blunder after another.
Once Bennett recovered from his startled state, he
said, "It's more my fault, really. I forgot to reset
the override command on my doors." He turned toward
his patient, who was dabbing at tears with a
handkerchief. "Will you be all right, Marla?"
"I think so," she responded, getting up from her
seat. "My time's up anyway. I'll schedule again for
next week." She left the room without looking at
Alexander.
"I know you said I could come by any time, but. .
." Alexander began, "are you busy?"
"That was my last patient for the day. And my
invitation is still open. What can I do to help you
this evening?"
"Starfleet Medical approved my sister's surgery,"
he said as he took the seat Marla had vacated. "Dr.
Crusher and Dr. Selar began the procedure only a little
while ago. I was sitting there in the waiting room
with my parents, and it was like we were in different
sectors of the galaxy. I wanted to comfort them, tell
them that everything would be all right. Dr. Crusher
is the best doctor I know, but nobody knows for sure
that this brain graft is going to work. If she dies, I
wouldn't blame them if they didn't want me around
anymore. I wouldn't want to live with me." Alexander
caught his breath, but it didn't stop the flow of
tears.
"Have you been getting any sleep, Alexander?"
"At night, I can hear Deanna crying through the
thin walls. I cry, too. How can any of us sleep
through all of this?"
"Alexander, may I tell you a story about a little
seven-year old boy?" Bennett began. He paused until
the boy nodded. When he finished telling the young
Klingon the story he had shared with Deanna only two
days before, Bennett added, "We all disobey our parents
from time to time. You need to accept that fact, so
you can learn from your mistake and grow from the
experience."
"It's too damn high a price to pay just to learn a
lesson! Why does my sister have to pay for my
mistake?"
"I agree." They stared glumly at one another.
"You should pray for your sister's safe recovery, but
you also need to reopen communication with
your parents. They are good people, and I
think with a little time, they will realize that you
are hurting as much as they are."
Somehow, Alexander felt a modicum of comfort from
the counselor's words. "I guess I should tell you
something that happened between Rosa and I. You see, I
went to talk with her and well, we didn't really get
around to talking. I didn't mean for it to happen. I
just didn't know what to do or say, and I don't think
she did either."
"I do understand your problem, but only you can
solve it. Until you are able to break the silence
barrier, you will probably continue to suffer the same
feelings of guilt and inadequacy."
"And Rosa, I imagine she's feeling the same way."
Alexander had a mental image of Rosa sitting in the
darkness of her quarters, afraid to come out. "I hate
thinking about what this is doing to her."
"The fact that you are considering her feelings
shows promise. You obviously have a strong desire to
resolve this situation."
"Yes! What she and I did was a very bad thing,
but she doesn't deserve to be punished forever for it."
"I think if you search deep within yourself,
you'll decide that you don't either."
Slowly Alexander nodded, deciding that maybe if
his sister pulled through this, he could forgive
himself.
"You will have to excuse yourself now, Alexander,"
Bennett said looking at his chronometer. "I have an
appointment scheduled for this time--with my wife. I
hope you decide to come tomorrow with your parents, so
we can all talk together."
"I will be here," Alexander promised.
****
"I'm glad you decided to come," Alexander said as
Rosa approached his table wearing a sleeveless one-
piece mini-skirt.
He had asked her to meet him in the cafeteria,
figuring they were safer in a public place. Their eyes
locked, both of them trying to gauge how the other was
feeling. The eclectic music of the cafe somehow
heightened Alexander's fears--and his sexual tension.
Why did Rosa always wear such provocative outfits?
"I want to resolve this as badly as you do," she
admitted. "And I'm ready to really listen." Sitting
down, she reached for his hand. "I can see everything
so clearly now. We must stop punishing ourselves."
"I agree. Our guilt has been punishment enough.
Nothing we do or say to ourselves will help the
situation." He paused. "She's in surgery right now
and probably will be for the next couple of hours yet."
"I hear Dr. Crusher is one of the best doctors in
Starfleet. She won't give up on your sister."
"We won't give up on my sister."
"Of course not."
An awkward silence between them followed, and
Alexander wondered if they weren't relapsing into their
earlier routine.
"I don't think we were as ready for a relationship
as we thought we were," Rosa said.
"That's for sure. So what do we do now?"
"What I would like is to go back to the way we
were before the accident," Rosa replied. "But I think
we both probably realize that that is impossible. Too
much has happened to quickly, and we must either move
forward or back off."
"Which do you prefer?"
"It isn't a matter of what I prefer. We have to
decide what is best. The way we are now is not
healthy."
"We're talking now. Isn't that the way to begin
healing? Can't there be a way for us to grow together?
I don't want to say goodbye to you!"
"Alex, two days ago, I was a nervous wreck. I was
distraught, practically in a daze. I was so
overwhelmed with guilt that I thought it would be
better to end my life. I almost went through with it."
I should have realized she was in trouble, Alex
internally chastised himself. "What stopped you?"
"I had reached the railing, and I swear to you
that I jumped. Someone grabbed me. He came out of
nowhere, like my guardian angel. He even seemed to
know why I wanted to die. He told me life would get
better, and for some reason, I believed him. I still
feel guilty over what we did--that will never change--
but at the same time, I've come to realize that letting
it ruin my life isn't right either. We have to forgive
ourselves and move on."
"Our separate ways?"
"I don't know. . .probably."
****
Bennett met his wife, Paula, and their two
children for lunch at the small cafeteria on Deck 7.
He tried to act casual, but immediately she noticed he
wasn't behaving like his usual self.
"What's wrong?" she inquired.
Realizing he had been staring at his food, he set
his fork down on his plate and looked up at his wife.
"It's a patient, I'm afraid. I wish I could discuss it
with you--with anyone really. I believe in the ethics
of confidentiality and normally, it doesn't bother me
keeping it all inside."
"But this one's really thrown you for a loop."
Understandingly, Paula grasped his hand.
He glanced across the table at his three-year old
daughter, who affectionately offered him a french fry.
He smiled warmly at her. Tammy wasn't much older than
the poor little girl lying in a coma and fighting for
her life. His five-year old son, Jamie was sitting
beside him, and Bennett wrapped his arm around the boy.
"Being with my family helps."
****
Why was the surgery taking so long? Not having
control of a situation always bothered Worf, but what
frightened him even more was the realization that he
just wanted this to end. Was he preparing to say
goodbye to his daughter? How would Deanna react if she
knew what he was thinking? Worse, how was she
interpreting the feelings she sensed in him now? To
his surprise, she reached out and grasped his hand. He
began to wonder what she was thinking, feeling.
As Worf peered into Deanna's glossy brown eyes, he
remembered how happy they had been. They had busy work
schedules, but they enjoyed their quiet evenings with
Shannara. Before Deanna and then Shannara entered his
life, Worf had never seen himself as a family man.
Even with Alexander around, he had been far too
serious, never smiling and always requesting double
shifts. While a part of the man he was remained--would
always remain--a part of him, he had been compelled to
play silly games, like piggyback riding, with Shannara.
He missed the sound of her giggles as he bounced
her around the living area of their quarters. He
missed teaching her how to do little everyday things
like putting on her shirt. Most of all, he missed
comforting her when she got a scrape or her feelings
were hurt.
"Worf," Deanna said. It was the first word she
had uttered in a long while. "You're anxious for this
to end." She was not asking, nor accusing. She simply
stated what she could sense from him.
"Yes. It is better to know the outcome no matter
the situation, then to spend one's time fretting away
the hours."
She offered no response. Worse, her eyes grew
distant as she contemplated his words. Silently, they
continued to wait for Shannara to come out of surgery.
****
As her nurse wiped Crusher's sweaty brow, the
doctor prepared for closure of the incision. While her
hands remained steady, inwardly, she felt dread. How
could she, a mere mortal, perform this miracle?
The room grew slightly dimmer. Beverly looked
upward for the cause of the disturbance. Her nurse
favored her with a perturbed look.
"Is anything wrong, Doctor?"
"Did you see?" Beverly asked. "Did either of you
see it?"
Selar's only response was a raised eyebrow.
"Doctor, please," the nurse pleaded.
Fortunately, Beverly snapped back to her senses
and finished the closure with her laser scalpel. After
ensuring that the young patient was stable and then
removing her surgical garments, Crusher motioned the
other doctor to the far corner. Now that the surgery
was finished, Beverly was shaking visibly. She could
not let Worf and Deanna see her like this!
"Dr. Selar, could you speak to her parents for me?
I need a few minutes to collect myself. I'm sure with
your Vulcan composure, you can handle the situation."
"How do you wish me to explain your absence?"
"Tell them. . .tell them. . .Oh surely you can
think of something!"
Selar nodded her ascent and went out to the
waiting room to talk with the distraught parents.
Beverly peered down at Shannara, still deep in a coma.
As far as she could, tell the surgery had been
successful. Yet it could still be some time before
they knew the girl's prognosis.
As she watched over the girl, Beverly had a
feeling someone was overlooking them both. "Wesley,"
she said. "Please, let me know it's you!" She turned
full circle, but saw no evidence that substantiated her
feeling of being watched. "If you're here now, please
help this little girl. Her family loves her and needs
her. She deserves to live."
She waited for a long moment, trying to hear a
voice in the silence. Taking several deep breaths, she
managed to calm down enough to stop shaking. Finally,
she braced herself to go talk with Worf and Deanna.
After calling her nurse back into the room to monitor
Shannara, she left.
As Beverly approached them, Worf said, "Dr. Selar
told us that Shannara made it through surgery, but that
she may remain in a coma for a considerable time."
"She is stable," Beverly told them. From behind
her, Jean-Luc stepped up to them to stand beside
Beverly. "I realize it is getting more and more
difficult to wait."
"If there's anything I could do. . ." Picard began
futilely.
"May we see her?" Lwaxana pleaded. "Maybe if I
could get close to her, I could reach her
telepathically again."
"Soon. We should wait for the anesthesia to wear
off first to make sure she remains stable. Then I
would wholeheartedly recommend that you spend time with
Shannara. Continue to tell her stories, sing to her,
and most importantly, let her know how much you love
her and need her to come back."
"She will come back to us," Deanna said with
conviction. "She will."
Beverly prayed the family could not see any doubts
in her eyes, but locking stares with Deanna, she knew
her friend sensed her fears. How exponential the
terror must be for the mother. If we survive this day,
the doctor thought, let us have the strength to meet
tomorrow's challenges.
She turned toward Jean-Luc, her Mr. Resilient, and
he offered her a shoulder to lean on. Maybe together,
they could survive.
