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Darkness. Silence. Weightlessness. Is this what I've subjected myself to, a lifetime without color, laughter, any feeling at all? I'd rather endure pain than be stuck in this void. And where has Q gone? I no longer sense my hand inside his. If I could reach out and find him, I would tell Q what I think of his Continuum. He probably wouldn't hear me, though.
Abandoned. Doomed. Forgotten. He has begged me for years to join him as his daughter. Now Q has abandoned me for what? Greater pleasures? He has won this trophy and I feel foolish for being so easily deceaved. I didn't even demand proof that Eric was back safely in his room. The adults around me were right, Q was not to be trusted. Forgotten now, I'm certain Q has gone on in search of his next trophy.
I push myself across the void like a swimmer trying to channel a vast ocean. I'm determined to reach the other side, if there is anything there. The darkness is everywhere, the nothingness unending. Is this what it means to be a Q: To exist only inside your mind and not care what might prevail in alternate universes? But if so, Q ventured away from this. He sought out my universe. How did he know anything existed beyond this nothingness? And you call my reality mundane, I think.
Am I mundane? Is this my own version of the Continuum? Did I create this universe of darkness as Q claims he created the one I was born into? Then perhaps only I can save myself from this existence. If only I knew how to invent a universe of substance. I am a weak Q if I'm only capable of producing this void. Maybe that is why Q has abandoned me.
"I'm sorry Q!" I try to scream, but cannot hear my voice. Continuing my plea anyway, I hope Q is listening in on my thoughts. "I didn't mean to disappoint you. Please, show me how I can do better. Q, you can't seriously want me to remain stuck like this forever, not after all the effort you put in toward winning my allegiance.. I'll create a universe you will be proud of. I want to be where you are." He can't hear me, of course and he doesn't care what goes on inside my mind anymore. Although my intelligence is high for a mortal, I'm nothing as a Q. I will have to find my own means of escape.
Closing my sightless eyes, I delve deeply inside myself and search for the macrocosm of my mind. I imagine a rainbow of colors, blue, red, green, yellow and a thousand other shades swirling into galaxies. Next, I bring sounds to my world, a bird singing, a bell ringing, a crowd gathering in the street, talking, laughing. I can see them so clearly. If only I concentrate enough, I could place myself among them. Maybe if I added some smells: the dirt hitting my nostrils as their shoes kick it up from the street, a lady's perfume. Not one to give up, I concentrate on the physical sense.....
A moist hand slips inside mine and I open my eyes. A small girl standing beside me smiles sweetly and says, "You did it."
We are standing on the dirt road I imagined. The street is lined with one-story wooden buildings. Just ahead, three horses are tethered to a railing. I've slipped into a pre-technological society. Is this where I want to live out the rest of my days? It's certainly as far from living on a starship as I could dream. I notice a woman next to the girl holding her hand and in her other arm, clutching a toddler. They are looking at me reverently. Do they view me as some deity popping magically into their world? Or a demon coming to corrupt their innocent?
The people around us begin clapping. They welcome my arrival, but what do they expect from me? If they believe I'm their god, I won't live up to their expectations.
"Bravo! Bravo! Hail to the glorious Shannara." I realize it's not the girl speaking, but rather someone at the head of the crowd, encouraging them to treat me as they would a queen. The crowd parrots his exclamation and their volume rises, drowning his voice. Pushing my way through, I fight to see his face.
I reach him and he bends down from the platform he is standing on to say, "I knew you had it in you." He has always been confident in me, perhaps overly so. Does he believe in me because I have proven myself worthy or is his affection much as the parent he wants to be?
"Is this truly the Continuum or is this strictly my version of it?" I ask Q. "Did I create this?"
Q holds his hand out to me and as I grasp it, he lifts me up onto the platform. Sweeping his free arm across the space in front of us, he asks, "How does it feel, knowing you control the fate of all these mortals?"
It feels pretty good, I must admit, but why hasn't he answered my question? "Good," I say. "Will they still exist when we leave?"
"The choice is yours. You are their creator....their god. Let their world survive for a billion years. They may prove themselves worthy some day. Or not. Destroy them in a blink of an eye. They won't be missed."
"Then this isn't part of the Continuum. Why haven't you taken me there? I thought you wanted me to become a member of the Continuum." Some among the crowd have stopped their chanting to listen to us. I sense their confusion, but don't concern myself with helping them understand. They are nothing, nobody, created on a whim.
"My dear child, it is you who have brought me here."
"I know that, but why have you allowed me to create an alternate universe more mundane than the one you rescued me from? Is this how you treated Eric? You know, you never gave me proof that you brought him safely back to his bed. How do I know that he's not stuck in some void, unable to create a alternate universe, even one as mundane as this?"
"You want proof? Very well."
He waves his hand through the air again and this time, a ripple opens in the sky. The crowd quickly disperses, some getting trampled in their fright. Inside the ripple, an image begins to form. I see my brother lying in his bed, covers up to his chest. He is smiling as some dream entertains him and turns in his sleep, oblivious to our intrusion. Satisfied, I turn away from the vision and address Q.
"I've seen enough. Let him be." Behind me, I hear the ripple close. For a long moment, Q and I stare at each other. Q folds his arms, waiting for me to speak next. "You're testing me," I finally say.. "You want to know for sure I'm worthy of being a Q before you introduce me to the other members."
He fixes me with a queer expression and steps off the platform without answering me. I follow him with difficulty as he quickens his pace toward the horses. Why has my question upset him so? He untethers one of the horses and climbs on it.
"Q!" I yell as he gallops away. "Please stop and answer my question. This is part of some test, isn't it?" I snatch my own horse and chase after him. If he doesn't want to talk with me, then why doesn't he just leave this world? Another game, I realize.
The chase continues for several minutes and I can't help but marvel at the countryside I've invented for the people of this alternate universe. Maybe I should allow their world to exist for a billion years or so.
Q halts abruptly and turns his horse around. "I am not the one testing you. I believe in your worthiness. They are testing you, all because Q convinced Q that my judgment is not to be trusted. I can take you to the heart of the Continuum, but if they will not accept you, it could mean doom for the both of us."
I had not realized that Q's eagerness to have me join the Continuum included a willingness for self-sacrifice if he met with failure. What of all I've heard about him and all I've witnessed? He has been known to consider only his best interests and to diminish other's to obtain his goal. Should I believe him now?
"Why should I believe you?" I challenge him aloud.
"You shouldn't. I am not to be trusted."
Somehow, I suspect he is echoing the words of another Q. What have they done to him to mar him with a defeated attitude? Probably, I should not care how he is treated or what is to come of him for all the trouble he has caused me. Yet, I do. Wanting to help him regain his status among his people, I silently vow not to disappoint him. I will pass whatever test the Q challenge me with and I will join their ranks.
"Let's leave this nowhere world. Take me to the Continuum,' I tell him with conviction and step down from my horse. I let go of its reigns and let it run free. "I will not disappoint them."
"Marvelous. Our salvation is in order,' he responds with a smile. It doesn't escape me that he has said "our salvation," not "your." Are the Q threatening to end his immortality again? I wonder if he would choose to join me on the Enterprise. Then I consider how others might react to that. Father would feel threatened. Data would feel unneeded if Q were available to mentor me. No, that scenario could never work. I will have to prove myself worthy of Q's universe, because he doesn't have a fighting chance in mine.
We leave this alternate universe of mine in a Q-flash. *****
We are walking down a long dimly-lit hallway and I cannot see any end in sight. There are no doors, no windows and yet this doesn't surprise me. Silently, we continue at an even pace for several minutes until Q stops and looks at me. "We've arrived," he informs me.
I don't question his judgment. Obviously, there is some learned trick to this hallway that I will probably find elementary one day. For now, however, I will have to rely on Q's guidance.
He raises his arm and places his hand against the wall. A glowing amber light appears to slice the wood, creating an opening large enough for us to step through. Gesturing, Q allows me to enter the uncovered room first.
The room has no furniture or decoration of any kind. It has bright white walls that are almost blinding to look at, but I challenge myself to keep my eyes open and search for any hidden intricacies. Believing we are alone, I nearly jump when a white-clad figure emerges from the far corner to greet us. "Q, it's about time you showed up," he says. Although I can't detect any anger in his voice, I sense he is eager to fight with my Q. The second Q looks disgustedly at my Q's clothes and rolling his eyes, my Q changes into an identical white outfit with a flash.
"That's much better," the second Q says. "If you had waited any longer, Q and I would have begun the selection process without you."
"That's just like the two of you!" my Q exclaims. "You never wanted to give me a fighting chance, even though Q warned you about the consequences of not playing fairly."
The other Q scoffs at this. "I believe it was you she gave that warning to when you decided to take matters with the Calamarain into your own hands."
"And you will never let that fiasco rest."
"Why should I?"
Another figure appears from nowhere and glides toward our group. "Oh, stop your bickering Q. It's so unbecoming of a Q. Why must I always scold the two of you like schoolchildren? And in front of a guest, no less."
Both of the other Q show chagrin as they divert their eyes toward the floor. I follow their gaze and suddenly, notice the floor is made of a cement-like substance and that our feet are partially obscured by it. Fearful that I'm stuck where I'm standing, I wiggle around and utter a cry of surprise as I back into my Q. Now I'm the one who looks foolish. How am I supposed to prove myself worthy to the other Q if I'm frightened by minor oddities?
"I'm sorry," I say. "I just thought "
"Come to me, Q," the third one orders, cutting me off.
When my Q nudges the back of my shoulder, I realize the high Q must be speaking to me. Does he really consider me a Q, or have I been given the rank on a trial basis? I step forward, careful to maintain eye contact with the third Q. "It's a pleasure to meet you," I say with as much sincerity as I can muster.
"Oh really?" He waves his hand vertically in front of me and my attire changes to white, matching their's. "I suspect you will soon regret having taken Q up on his challenge to come here. He's told me of the little I.Q. test you took a few years back. How old are you now?"
"I'm ten, and I've learned a lot from my mentor, Commander Data, over the past four years. I promise I won't disappoint you with my ability to learn quickly."
"There are numerous forms of intelligence and each must be maintained by a Q at a much higher level than I'm sure you're use to. To even be consider for membership in the Continuum, one must undergo a series of rigorous tests, both physical and mental. I assure you that your mortal I.Q. test is simple by comparison. Are you prepared for the challenge?
"I would be honored," I respond, fully aware of how much I sound like the Klingon part of myself I've tried so hard to ignore.
My Q leans forward and promises, "She will find every test easy to master."
"Unfortunately for you, Q, you are not one of the judges. Our panel of six judges have been carefully selected for their longevity inside the Continuum, their accomplishments and their loyalty. I'm afraid you lack in all three categories."
"You will at least allow me to cheer her on?"
Everyone glances at the second Q, who is sneering at the notion. "He will only disrupt the procedure. But if he wants to be the instigator of her failure, don't let me stand in the way."
"I do not! Cheering helps boost one's confidence." Never before have I heard Q sound so much like a child. Although I like him better this way, I know it doesn't help his position in the Continuum.
"You sound like a cheer leader. Are you going to stand up in front of the crowd with a couple pom poms and jump up and down like an idiot?"
"I just might."
"Enough!" the high Q exclaims and with a wave of his hand, sends the other two Q out of the room. Turning toward me, he says, "No matter how intelligent two beings seem, they cannot refrain from bickering. If that's what you want to become; just like Q, then I'll set up your playing field."
"What have you done with them?" I demand.
"They're each inside a penalty box. Don't worry: They'll be safe as long as you behave."
"What happens if I misbehave?"
"Then you get sent to one of their penalty boxes and each penalty box can only fit one. You might send Q to oblivion, but then it might be Q instead. Are you willing to take that chance?"
"No," I reply, shaking my head. "I won't get into trouble this time for Q's sake."
"Very well. It doesn't matter to me. One less Q would only mean one less to argue with."
"Q doesn't want me to succeed," I say, thinking of the second Q and wondering if that's enough to convey which I'm referring to. "Do you? Or do you not like me as well?"
"My child, hardly any of the Q like each other. Get used to it if you hope to survive this universe. I suppose Q hasn't told you about our nasty civil war that went on throughout the Continuum for nearly a millennium. In fact, this war has only just ended a short time ago. Some points are still being argued among many."
"Civil denotes two sides," I say. "If each Q can't get along with another, then how has your species survived let alone resolve a war?"
His eyes look like steel as he leans in closer to me. "There are those among us who work only toward the preservation of the Continuum. They may not like other Q perhaps, they despise them most of all but they believe in what the Continuum stands for and that it is worth saving. They've seen us from the best to the worst and everywhere in between. It's not a pretty world we live in. Still up for the challenge?"
"Are you trying to scare me off?"
The high Q lets out a raucous laugh. "Child, I do not care one way or another. I'm sure I will not like you any more than I do Q."
What a sad universe this Continuum is if its members hate each other. Yet despite what I've witnessed, I doubt that it can be all bad. Every world must have some good in it. Otherwise, how could it possibly continue for millions of years? Besides, I like my Q regardless of all his meddling into my life and he would be disappointed in me if I failed or backed away from the challenge.
"Like I said before, I would be honored to accept your challenge. Now would it be all right for Q to watch?"
"For as long as he can behave," the high Q responds and flashes out.
I'm left in the white room with no visible doors or windows. Retracing my steps to the spot where I believe Q and I entered, I feel for the door.
It has disappeared.
