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I'm supposed to join Data for another tutoring session, but I feel compelled to stop at the Paris' quarters. They will only be with us for a couple more days as the entire Voyager crew will be disembarking the Enterprise once we reach Earth. As embarrassed as I feel about the pajama incident, I cannot let Jeremy leave without resolving the issue.
A blond-haired man answers the door, and I assume he is Jeremy's father. "You must be Shannara," he says with a smirk. "I've heard a lot about you."
Does everyone in the universe know who I am? I struggle not to roll my eyes. I'm not the super hero they are trying to make me. Maybe I should tell Data that I don't want to be tutored anymore. As much as I enjoy it, spending any more time in Stellar Cartography is probably a bad idea.
"The stories of my accomplishments are greatly exaggerated," I tell him.
"My son seems to think your dream is pretty nifty. He's asked me if we could take a trip to Betazed. I am considering it. A little exploring of our home quadrant actually sounds like a great idea."
"Oh," I mouth. I am a bit confused, but I don't want to admit it.
Fortunately, his wife chooses that moment to step up from behind him.. "Tom, why are you making her stand out in the corridor? Invite her inside!"
He steps aside and I follow her toward the sofa. "Shannara, if you've come to see Jeremy or Sierra, I sent them off to school just a few minutes ago. There's no reason why they shouldn't continue their education while we're in transport."
"Of course not." Why hadn't I considered this possibility? Now I feel foolish having stopped by, putting my own education on hold. "I was on my way for a tutoring session with Data, actually, and I thought I would just stop by and see them, but-"
"Have a seat," B'Elanna says in a warm tone, pointing to the sofa. "I'd like to share a story with you before you leave if you don't mind."
"I'd like that," I reply as we both sit down. I set my data padd on the coffee table and settle in comfortably. "My Father has shared many stories about Klingon myth with me. Is that what this is about?"
"Not exactly. This story is personal. I want to share an experience that happened to me when I was younger than you are now. I hope by telling you it will somehow help you cope better with the problems you face in the future." She pauses, her eyes drifting toward her hands but her mind is somewhere more distant. "My father left my mother when I was only six. For a long time, I blamed myself. I believed I hadn't been a perfect daughter for him, and that he could not love me because of my Klingon temper. I wished desperately not to be Klingon. If only I was fully human like all the other children in the colony in which we lived, he *would* love me."
I reflect on how often I have made the wish to be completely human or completely Betazed. It has been easy to feel humiliation over my heritage when everyone around me doesn't share it.
"My peers made fun of my differences and refused to notice the ways I was similar to them. Before you began having tutoring lessons, I'm sure you dealt with similar ridicule."
I nod, remembering my dealings with Tammy. Although my doubts had begun long before I met her, the experience had deepened my shame and guilt for what I am.
"I decided that although I couldn't change my physical being," B'Elanna continues, "I would deny any Klingon impulses and behave as only a human child would. Then maybe the other children would accept me-would want to play with me. Even early into my adulthood, I found it difficult to accept what I was. I rebelled against authority, sure of only one thing: I was not good enough."
"That changed?" I ask, eager to learn how I might overcome my insecurity.
She smiles and raises her arm to glide her fingers down my cheek and jaw. "There is beauty inside you. I don't want you to wait as long as I did before realizing that."
I glance toward her husband, wondering how much he had to do with her self-acceptance. If only I had someone who could offer me moral support; a friend who would be there always. "I don't know how to feel beautiful."
"Look in the eyes of the people who love you. Your mother sees your beauty. Worf, your father, has always felt great pride in being Klingon despite having lived most of his life among humans. Commander Data--"
"But he's an android. He doesn't dislike anyone or anything."
"Are you sure? I hear his emotions chip has rendered him capable of experiencing a wide range of feelings. If you were to ask him to describe some of the negative emotions he's had to deal with, do you believe hatred would not be among them? as long as you've known him, are you telling me that you've never witnessed him demonstrating any anger, pain, or animosity?"
"Well, he sometimes gets upset when something doesn't go as he planned. Doesn't that happen to everyone?"
B'Elanna hesitates as she formulates an answer. Perhaps, my question is not as simple as I thought. "Yes. Everyone experiences feelings of failure; and Data, like everyone, can't always control how he reacts. But we are straying from the point I was trying to make. I don't want you to feel as though you are lesser of a person than others, because you come from a mixed heritage. If anything, your mixed heritage further enriches who you are. Stand proud, young lady."
Please, don't let me cry! I wish desperately as I am moved by her words. "Will you be my friend?" I ask.
"Of course, dear," she says. "I am honored to consider you my friend."
Her husband moves closer to us and leaning against the sofa, gently squeezes her shoulders. "We are your friends. Always count on that."
B'Elanna reaches up to grasp his hand and smiles in approval. I don't need to use my empathy to see that they are still very much in love. Their children are lucky to have them for parents. As I stare at them, I reflect over my conversation with B'Elanna and realize I am fortune to also have two parents who love each other as much as they love me. Our families don't have to break up. History will not repeat itself here. The little girl inside B'Elanna Torres, lost so long ago, does not feel abandoned anymore.
"Thank you for the story and especially for the friendship," I say. "I must go now before Data starts paging me. After school lets out, maybe I'll stop by again to see my new friends."
"You're always welcome at the Paris'," Tom promises.
Happily, I stroll toward Data's quarters finally feeling the confidence that has been lacking in my life. Is there anything wrong with being the prodigy child? Direction seems within my grasp. Do I have reason to be proud of my Klingon heritage? Die with honor. I'd rather live with honor. And now that I have friends, I can live happily.
I press the annunciator on Data's door and wait momentarily for his familiar "come in." When I step inside, I find him with a young female officer, smiles lingering like ghosts on their faces. Sensing her, I feel a warmth radiate toward Data. I should not sense her. Shannara, you know better. I sense her. She loves him.
He obviously has been too attentive of her to express any concern over my lateness. And does he love her? As a friend? Does he love her more than me?
"Shannara, this is Ensign Veronica Hamilton. She was just having breakfast with me."
Just. I fixate on the word. They were *just* having breakfast together, and she is still here now when it is past time for my tutoring session with Data. "Why?" I utter without thinking and falter on any means of escape. "You want me to leave?"
"Don't be silly," the new girlfriend says. "Data told me you were coming. So I'll leave you two alone." she turns toward Data and kisses him lightly on the lips. "Dinner tonight?" He nods. She wants more, but I am keeping her from it. I know--maybe I shouldn't, but I know-Data is fully functional. And I am not naive to what that means. I watch her walk to the door, willing her steps closer to departure.
When we are alone, I focus my full attention on Data. I try to concentrate on what it is we have planned today for a lesson, but I think of him, not as my mentor, but as an android-fully functional. Oh, I can't bare it if he and this Ensign Veronica have done more than *just* breakfast together.
"Where is your data padd?" he asks.
Looking down at my empty hands, I suddenly realize I have left my data padd inside the Paris quarters. Why am I so stupid? "I--guess I'm not very prepared this morning."
"Indeed. You know, I will have to note this on your report. However, I am curious for an explanation. Will you give me one?" As he fixes me with those golden eyes, honest and loyal; my shame, my guilt rise like the turbulence of an asteroid storm. I have no right to tell him who to make friends with, or who to love.
"I guess we're both trying to make new friends. " My words are iced with sarcasm. Now I've really ruined our relationship! Why does he need a girlfriend anyway? He's an android and will never have children, not in any natural way. "I left the damn thing at the Paris'."
"Shannara, you are dismissed. I will be discussing this exchange with your parents."
Mumbling about how unfair Data has treated me, I quickly make my way back to my own quarters. He doesn't need a girlfriend. He has his duties to the ship and to me. There is no time for anyone else. I can't believe he would want to compromise my tutoring. I bow my head whenever anyone passes me in the corridor. They can't see me crying! Will I ever recover from this humiliation?
As I step into our quarters, I dash past Mother and Eric, hoping to escape questioning.
"Shannara, what's wrong? Why are you home so early?"
I stop just outside my door. I deliberate: should I turn around or should I ignore her? Not for the first time today, I make a mistake as I enter my room and collapse on my bed. This is not fair! Data has a new girlfriend, and Naomi, the Paris family, they will all be leaving in a couple days. I will have no friends left.
Mother steps into the room. I bury my head into my pillow, trying to wish her away. Silence. I sense her glaring at me. Damn empathy! Why won't she speak?
Turning onto my side, I peer at her with teary vision. Arms folded, she says, "Are you going to calm down enough to tell me what's going on? And wishing me away won't solve your problem."
After all the lectures about not probing people's minds without their permission, Mother has violated my thoughts. I shut my eyes tightly. Almost, I wish again for her to leave, but a memory suddenly nags at me. I bolt to a sitting position, half-expecting history to repeat itself. Do I really wish to be motherless?
"I'm not going to have any friends left. Jeremy and Naomi, they're leaving in a couple days. And Data, he really doesn't want to tutor me anymore."
"What in the world gave you that idea?"
"He has a girlfriend now. He'll want to spend all his off-duty time with her. I shouldn't blame him for that." Even as I admit this fact, I find it difficult to convince myself of it. "But I don't want to stop my tutoring; I don't want to go back to regular school."
"You won't have to," Mother promises me. " I'm sure Data didn't tell you that he no longer wanted to be your mentor. You're exaggerating the situation. Once you talk with him again, you'll see."
I consider this, mulling over how life might be with Veronica Hamilton in the picture. I imagine it will be difficult to like the woman, if not impossible. What does Data see in her? "Must I today?"
She sighs. "No. If he sent you home, then maybe you should use this time to think about your behavior today and how you should have behaved differently. I'll leave you alone now." She turns and leaves.
She's not being fair. How was I supposed to react to the shocking discovery of Data's new girlfriend? He's never dated anyone for as long as I've known him. I should have been warned. Mother probably knew about Veronica days ago and didn't consider how the news would affect me. And she wants me to think about how I've behaved!
I don't leave my room until I'm called to dinner. After I am seated, I realize Eric has not come to the table and that both my parents are staring at me. "Where's Eric?"
"Eric has already ate," Mother replies. "We sent him to his room, so we could talk with you alone. Data stopped by about an hour ago."
I glance furtively at Father, noticing the snarl forming at his lips. Is he too angry to even speak? Quickly, I refocus on Mother.
"We discussed his version of what happened today. He says that you not only forgot your padd this morning, but that you also snapped at him when he asked you about it. Now I know you had the padd when you left here. I'd like an explanation, young lady."
Lifting my fork, I stir my food as I try to rationalize an explanation they will accept. "I was only trying to make a friend. That's what you wanted me to do. I felt bad about what happened with Jeremy the other night, so I stopped by his quarters to apologize. Only he wasn't there. His mother sent him to school. She invited me inside anyway, because she wanted to tell me a bit about her childhood. I left my padd setting on their coffee table. I'm sorry."
"We trust you to go where you're supposed to without an escort," Father says. "If you wish to visit others, you must first have your Mother's or my permission. We need to know where you are at all times."
"The computer can tell you where I am."
"Don't get smart, Shannara!" Mother exclaims. "This is exactly what Data was telling us about."
I drop my fork and push my plate away. "I didn't mean to--Please don't be mad at me. I'll apologize to Data." Silently, I add, don't expect me to learn to like his girlfriend. "May I be excused? I'm not really hungry."
"You will eat your dinner," Father orders.
To argue would only get me into deeper trouble, so I reclaim my fork and eat as quickly as dignity will allow.
*****
Shortly, Jeremy Paris stops by to return my data padd. "Invite him inside, Shannara, " Mother encourages.
I step aside and gesture for him to walk past me. "Thank you, for returning this. It has an important assignment on it that I was supposed to turn in this morning."
"Will you get into trouble for it's lateness?" I sense that he is quite concerned about this, although he had nothing to do with my forgetting it.
"I honestly don't know," I tell him. "But I seem to get into trouble a lot. "
He giggles and covers his mouth to hide his embarrassment. "Me too. I think it's our mission in life as children. It brings us attention."
"Oh come now, your parents love you. I've visited them enough to know. You don't have to be punished simply to receive attention."
"I know my parents love me, but they are also very busy people. They have obligations to Captain Janeway and to Voyager." He looks past me, a distance growing in his eyes. He is peering out the viewwindow, but I realize his thoughts are back in the Delta Quadrant where we'd been forced to abandon Voyager. She had been the only home he'd ever know.
"Maybe Starfleet will recover her. Now that we have access to the wormholes, we can return to those coordinates fairly quickly. "
He focuses his attention back on me. "My mother told me that you stopped by earlier to see me."
This time I look away, choosing to study the laces on my shoes. I was so confident in the morning about this. That was before my blunder. "I wanted to apologize."
"For what?" He asks so innocently that I immediately wonder whether I'm making more out of the situation than exists.
"I should have known better than to traipse out in my nightgown the other night. I hope I didn't spoil our friendship, because I've never really had a friend my own age. If only you weren't leaving--"
"Nothing's been spoiled. You could make lots of friends if you just opened up to them like you did with me. Try it sometime." He shrugs as though wishing he could say more. "I promised my parents I wouldn't be long. They have supper waiting for me. I do hope you feel better." He steps past me and out the door.
Raising a hand to my cheek, I marvel at how sensitive Jeremy is toward me without any empathic abilities. Maybe I do feel a little better. After I slip back into my room, I sit at my desk and activate the data padd to review some notes. I'm surprised to find a file I didn't create. It contains only a few sentences, but the words move the universe.
Don't give up on your dream. You'll have that house someday. And I'll come visiting. I'll be your friend always, if you want. We'll meet again someday.
Friends, Jeremy Paris
PS: I'll bring you a rose the next time we meet.
*****
Somehow, I manage to arrive on time to my next tutoring session and even politely acknowledge Ensign Hamilton's presence. Not that I don't secretly still wish for Data to stop seeing her. Nothing would give me greater pleasure. But if I have learned anything over the past couple of days it's how easily friends can be lost over petty resentment.
And I plan to never lose Data.
