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"Alexander, what was your mother like?" I ask one day while visiting my brother inside his quarters.
He looks away from the game of three-dimensional chest we've been playing for nearly an hour. "I wasn't very old when she died," he tells me. "Younger than you are now. I miss her, though." His eyes grow reflective, our game forgotten as long-ago memories take their place. "She was a strong-willed, very outspoken woman." As his eyes regain their focus, he looks back at me. "Why are you asking me about this? You aren't worried that something will happen to your mother, are you?" He moves a rook up one level, taking out my last pawn.
"I was just wondering why father loved a woman like your mother and then fell in love with mine. They were so different from each other." I frown at the board, certain I'm about to lose another game.
He looks at me, a bit stunned by my insight. "Yes, they were, but people sometimes need different things later in life. I know Father loved my mother passionately and will always cherish her memory as I do. I was happy for him when he was able to find love again. Deanna, your mother, brought stability to his life at a time when he was ready to settle down."
"Is love forever? Will Daddy always love Mommy?" I move my one remaining knight in to protect my queen.
"I can't say for sure what will happen between them in the future. I do know that they will always love you and Eric unconditionally. They're good parents. What are you worried about, Shannara? Did you overhear something?"
I shrug, my mind scrambling to form my thoughts into words. "Not with my ears. Late at night, I wake up and can't get back to sleep. I try not to intrude, but sometimes I sense Mommy's dreams. She's afraid." Ringing my fingers, I wish I could squeeze out my frustration.
"Do you know what she's afraid of?" He takes my knight, leaving my queen vulnerable. Why didn't I see it coming?
"She's afraid Daddy will leave her. That he doesn't love her as much as he used to. If only Daddy didn't have to go on so many away missions his feelings for Mommy wouldn't weaken anymore. If he had more time to pay attention to Mommy, then she wouldn't feel so lonely for him."
Alexander takes my queen and the motion seems to symbolize all my fears. "I'm sorry, Shannara," he says. "Really, I don't think things are as bad between them as you're imagining. Maybe something else is bothering your mother. She does deal with an awful lot of patients, after all."
Despite Alexander's well-intentions, he is unable to rid me of my fears. I return to my quarters, only two doors down the corridor from my big brother's, in time for dinner. As always, my parents talk about their day while they eat and although they are pleasant toward one another, I sense something bothering them, something both of them are afraid to face.
"Well, Shannara, how was your day?" Mommy asks.
Taken by surprise, I stop my fork partway to my mouth. I don't mind the attention being on me, but I worry that Mommy does not devote enough time to Daddy. What if he begins to feel the stability Mommy gives to him shattering?
"Data said that I did an excellent job on my astrophysics project," I reply after too much silence. Mommy knows something is bothering me. If she weren't so withdrawn herself, she would confront me about it. "He wants me to start working on a simulation of it. Want to hear all about it?"
"Sure, Sunshine." She will herself to focus on me, though I sense she's unable to completely push her worries aside.
"I charted a trip from Earth to Shanai Prime while the Dragonian Asteroid is aligned with the Shanai System. The asteroid makes it a tricky course to plot and it will be even trickier to maneuver. Data wants me to attempt it in a shuttlecraft simulation. I'll probably crash, but at least I'll have the chance to try without any risk."
Mommy and Daddy glance at one another. I sense in their silence something so strong between them that the emotion is almost overpowering. What tragedy has befallen them that they are unwilling to share with me? After trying unsuccessfully to pick up on Mommy's thoughts, I ask to be excused from the table and retreat to my room.
I draw my easel to the center of my room. Data gave it to me when he first started my painting lessons. I find that working with the colors helps clear my mind and opens my thoughts to possibilities. I continue work on a picture of a little girl sitting at a pond with her feet dangling in the water. Behind a nearby tree, a boy is watching her unnoticed. I'm not completely satisfied with my work. Data tells me that, with practice, I will improve my technique.
Allowing myself to become mesmerized by the brilliant colors, I drift away from my room and soon have the sensation of being detached from my body. My hand still moves with the brush, applying delicate strokes. Allowing my mind to float outward, I seek out my mother's thoughts. She is thinking about her children and wishing we could stay little forever. Eric is nearly potty trained and mommy is mourning the loss of his babyhood.
Coming back into myself like a ship into port, I suddenly realize what Mommy needs. She needs another baby. That will make her happy, I think with a smile.
I regain the sensation in my hand and study the details I've added to the painting. Is it finished?
"Ah, it's so..." Q says, flashing in behind me. I turn around to see him scratching at his chin as though at a loss for words.
"Don't say it," I warn. I set my paints and brush down, thinking I will clean them later and sit down on the edge of my bed. I don't know why Q has popped in now, but I plan to take full advantage of his arrival. "Q, you said that you created this universe so I could exist. If you really created me, then you can give Mommy another baby."
"Why would you want another little troll to fight for Mommy's attention?"
"Because Mommy's sad. She doesn't want to see me and Eric grow up so fast."
"A new baby would not change anything. It would only grow up as well."
"But she and Daddy need another baby, so their love will grow strong again." With a heavy sigh, I plop on the bed. Q will never agree to my request. He doesn't care whether my parents stay together. Why can't he care about them just because I do?
Q sits down beside me, offering a wise smile. "What is love? It is only that which turns to hate when two lovers grow tired of each other. You should forget love. It only causes pain in the end."
"I don't believe you!"
"You will in...."
"No!" I shout, not allowing him to finish. I cover my ears defensively. "I will never, never, never!"
A long pause passes between us and I lower my hands and look toward Q expectantly. "Your Mommy and Daddy love each other." He looks resigned. It took a lot of courage for him to admit this to me. I reach out my hand and place it inside his, my dark skin contrasting with his pale skin. "But unconditional love," he continues, "causes unbearable pain no matter one's intentions or sincerity toward another. The longing, the heartbreak, all unavoidable."
Q is a very unhappy being. Someone must have hurt him pretty bad for him to feel this way. Do Q have wives and families? Did Q lose his family as I'm now afraid of losing mine? I wonder if he's been nursing a broken heart for millions of years, afraid to love again. "Without love, you have no happiness," I tell him. "If you'll let me, I'll love you." I bite my tongue, fighting the desire to take my offer one stop farther and become his little girl. I already have a Daddy!
Suddenly, I sense a panic inside Q. He is filled with doubt, though he regrets the emotion. Doesn't he believe I can really care for him? He has good in him despite what everyone else might think. I wish I knew how to convince him of that!
"You really want me to keep popping in on you? To meddle in your affairs? No one has ever offered me such a reception. Perhaps, you need time to think about it. I will give you that."
He flashes out before I can offer any argument. As I grab a pillow and squeeze my frustrations out on it, I wonder how our conversation got so twisted away from Q's purpose of being here in the first place. He never shows up without a reason. What had he wanted? If he isn't too long in his next visit, I will find out.
*****
When I awake, Daddy has already left for bridge duty and Mommy is sitting at the table working on some report. Eric is still in bed and I'm thankful for a few minutes alone with Mommy. I sit down beside her, not wanting to probe her, but finding the need to know too irresistible. She is having difficulty concentrating on her report. She glances up at me and it is then that I realize I've been staring at her. "Is something bothering you, Sunshine?" she asks.
"Are you and Daddy still happy?" I ask.
She smiles sweetly at me. "Yes, of course. Are you worried your Daddy will leave us?"
"If you're not happy, he might."
Mommy leans forward on her elbows. "If I'm not happy?"
I nod. "You think you're growing too old. But you're not! You and Daddy could have another baby and everything..."
"What put that idea into your head?"
"Well, I'm getting older too and Eric's potty trained now. You wish we were still babies."
Sitting straight in her chair, Mommy thinks about what I've said and wonders for a moment whether I'm right. "You're still a little girl. And I don't expect to grow old for a long time yet. Do you want another little brother or sister? Is that what this is really about?"
Now it's my turn to consider. Have I really misread what Mommy was feeling? I've always been able to sense her emotions so easily. I thought she wanted another baby to make her happy, but were my own feelings covering up hers? "A sister would be nice," I admit. "I already have two brothers."
"You have to realize, Sunshine, that we don't get everything we want. Whether or not we have another baby is your father and my choice." She glanced at the chronometer. "Data will be here shortly. You better eat some breakfast before he shows up. "
"Yes, Mommy," I say and walk over to the replicator to order eggs, toast and juice.
*****
Data has given me ten formula problems to solve and although I work at them, I can't stop thinking about a baby. Why after Mommy's reassurances, am I still worried? "Data, do you ever wish you could have a baby...I mean, become a father?"
"On occasion, I have considered what it would be like to raise a child from birth," he responds. "It would be a rewarding experience. A child fulfills one's desire for unconditional love; a desire to be needed. A newborn child is helpless and completely dependent on another. It is the greatest feeling in the world, knowing one is responsible for another's survival."
"Then you do wish you could become a father?"
"I once created an android daughter from my own positronic brain. I named her Lal. I nurtured her, teaching her all I had to offer, and when I felt she was ready to venture out and learn from the examples of others, I allowed her the freedom she required. You see, that is the sacrifice all parents must make. They must know when to begin allowing the child some independence."
"Eric is potty trained now. He can go to the bathroom by himself. So, he's becoming independent and I think Mommy is losing the feeling of being needed. Daddy works so many hours on the bridge. I think we need a new baby to keep our family together!"
Data looks alarmed. "Has your mother voiced that desire?"
"She says she's happy." I fold my arms. "I don't sense that she is, though. We don't spend enough time together as a family anymore. If she had a new baby to care for, she would make more time for family."
"You are looking for a way to take her away from her counseling duties, correct? If she were to have a new baby, she'd take an extended leave and would spend more time with you and Eric as well."
"Of course," is say with a shrug. "I want our family to be happy together."
Perhaps, you are going about that the wrong way. I will speak with your parents on your behalf. I believe a family vacation could be in order. I know neither of your parents have used any leave time in quite a while."
I jump up from my seat, nearly knocking my data padd on the floor. "Do you think they'd agree to that plan?"
"I have no idea, but I will give it my best try." He glances at my data padd hanging precariously on the desk. "Now, finish your formula problems, so you may move on to wring your essay."
*****
When Data arrives after dinner, Mommy sends me to my room to work on homework, while she and Daddy speak with Data. I cannot concentrate on quasars when my family's happiness is on the line.
"Why waste the android's time?" Q says, popping in behind me. Startled, I spin around to face him. "You have the ability to snap your fingers and send your family any where at any time you wish."
"Magic doesn't bring happiness if it's used against someone's will. My parents would be angry at me for taking them away from their ship's duty and they would be disappointed in me. I thought a wise entity such as yourself knew you're can't buy happiness."
"You didn't seem to mind when I brought your Daddy home early from Altor Vix. Is there a problem with having what you want if it doesn't interfere with the master plan?"
"No. But this situation is different. People on this ship are depending on them. They have to make arrangements before they leave."
"My my, so young to have morals." He smiles mischievously at me as he leans toward my ear. "Abandon them. Have a little fun!"
What if my parents don't agree with Data's suggestion? Will the temptation to play out Q's option overcome me? I cannot allow that. "No, I won't use the pow against my parents! If they don't want to take a vacation, then I'll find another way to bring this family closer."
"As you wish," Q says and flashes out.
That was too easy, I realize. What trick does Q have planned next? Alarmed, I rush into the living area, expecting to find Q harassing my parents. He is not here.
"What's wrong, Sunshine?" Mommy asks as they turn toward me.
Running into her arms, I accept a hug. "Mommy, please say we can take a family vacation." I know I'm whining, but cannot bring myself to stop.
She and Daddy stare at one another for a long moment before she looks back at me and nods. "For a few days after our requests for a leave are approved. Others will have to cover for us.
I am relieved that I will not have to consider Q's suggestion. Someday, there may come a time when I will wish something so fiercely that I will be unable to resist the urge to tap into the gift he gave me. That moment scares me. It is the moment Q will have won. All of this runs through my head in an instant, because by the next I am jumping up and down with excitement.
There is hope for my family. I feel neither threatened nor tempted by Q. Why would I want to be a part of the Continuum when I sense such love radiating from this room?
*****
Eric splashes water against my face and I giggle, unperturbed by the cool sting in my nostrils and throat. I look back toward Mommy and Daddy, who are sitting on the beach, hand in hand. If only life could be like this always, with our family taking lots of time out for play, I know Mommy and Daddy could stay happy with each other. They shouldn't live on the same starship and miss each other so many hours of the day.
Q pops in between my brother and me and startled, Eric falls backward, gulping in lake water. I laugh. I could not have found a better way to get even with my brother.
"Isn't this so picture perfect," Q says. He is wearing tight orange-and-green striped trousers.
As I frown at Q, I see Mommy and Daddy rushing toward us, looks of fright masking their faces. "Get away from her!" Daddy bellows.
"Or you'll what?" Q counters with a smirk. "Dunk me?" With a click of his fingers, he stops the world around us. Daddy freezes with a grimace on his face; Mommy with her mouth wide open. Q turns back toward me. "I only came to join in on the fun, and see, Daddy's always thinking the worst."
"Can you blame him?" I ask. "You always show up unannounced and uninvited."
"Ah," Q says with a pout. "You don't want me?"
"I want to go back to enjoying my vacation with my family."
He steps out of the water, and producing a towel, begins drying off. He circles my parents and studies their positions. "Such devotion. They'd go to any length to protect you, even when they have no means of defense."
"What are you going to do to them?" I ask, my chest heaving as I step out of the water.
"I could snap my fingers and send them to oblivion. I could turn them into giant slugs or tiny gnats. Do you really believe I'm so evil that I would hurt you to have what I want?" Motioning the entire beach with his hand, he tells me, "This and countless other scenarios could be yours with a mere wish. You have it within your power to convince your parents never to return to that bucket of titanium alloys and bolts."
"It would be a false reality. I don't want to go through life knowing I forced a decision on them. Deep down, they would resent me for abandoning their dreams. Just because I don't share them, doesn't make them unimportant. They help people. They help colonies. They *help* entire races survive. Why should we stand in the way of that?"
Q bends down on one knee and peers into my eyes. "I made you too smart," he admits. "No six- year old Klingon girl should have such insight. Maybe I was a bit hasty coming to you, giving you the gift of the Continuum. I could have waited fifty or sixty years."
"What are you going to do, take it away?"
He stands and brushes the sand from his knees. He doesn't speak for the longest moment and I realize I'm holding my breath, actually fearful of becoming an average girl. What would life be like as an average girl, knowing I was once super intelligent?
"Only if you ask me to. The choice is yours, little girl." He folds his arms across his bare chest, looking a bit melancholy. "I believe, one day you will ask me to do just that. It's happened before. Women find me so handsome, diviner and intriguing, but no matter how exciting I make life for them, they always choose to return to the mundane. You women seem to prefer it." He looks away from me, staring at the frozen water where Eric lies precariously. "Remind me to tell you about Vash one of these days. She was a high-spirited girl like you. How could I resist any woman who would turn Jean-Luc's head? Ah well. I bid myself ado from this family affair."
As he flashes out, the world around me becomes reanimated. My parents wrap their arms around me to ensure themselves that I'm all right. Suddenly, despite my desire to have a fun time with my family, I feel a strong determination. One day, I will prove Q wrong.
