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Some of the Voyager crew are staying in quarters on our deck until we arrive at Earth. Afterward, the Enterprise will return to the Delta Quadrant for a year-long exploration. Mother feels I should get to know our immediately neighbors. I believe she wants me to meet them because they also have children, and as always, she is worried that I have no friends my own age. Their last name is Paris, a human name. I don't understand why Eric doesn't have to come with me. She says Eric will have his chance in a little while.
Reluctantly, I walk toward their quarters. What if they don't like me, because I am different? Other kids on the Enterprise make fun of my ridges. That's why I avoid them.
If only I wasn't part Klingon.
And then when my special abilities were discovered, and I was allowed private tutoring, I sensed the other children's envy mixed with rash anger. I wish I were not different.
If only Q would take his gift away.
As a normal child, going to a regular classroom and interacting with other children every day, I might be happy with life on a starship. Why me, Q? Why not some other child from another galaxy?
And why have I not heard from Q, since he told me we needed to turn around?
Taking a deep breath, I press my neighbor's annunciator. Maybe no one is home, I consider. If I turn back and rush into my quarters, I might avoid an embarrassing moment.
I'm surprised when a Klingon woman, holding a squirming toddler in her arms, answers.
"You're Klingon!" I blurt out. No, half-Klingon, I realize after I get a good look at her. Like me.
She smiles sweetly, despite my faux pas. "My Mother was, yes. My Father was human. I'm B'Elanna Paris. This is my eighteen-month old daughter, Delta." She kisses the child on the forehead only to be batted away. "Who is very tired. Why don't you come inside, Shannara, and meet Jeremy and Sierra, my other two children."
Immediately, I like this woman. I sense, through her sensitivity toward me, that she once had great difficulty accepting her Klingon heritage. Did she also suffer from ridicule as a child? How did she get past the pain and anger to become the woman before me today?
As I step into her quarters, she calls out for her other children. Although I now know that they are part Klingon, I cannot completely shake my fear that they will not like me. With my intellect from the Q, I have found it much easier to relate to adults than to those who should be my peers.
"Where is your husband?" I ask. I feel the need to know whether they have a happy family life?
She is startled by the question, but quickly recovers. "Tom is with his best friend, Harry Kim. They're like a couple of children. They could not resist the urge to check out the Enterprise's holodeck library."
A girl, about four years old, steps out of the bedroom. She has long blond hair and other than the slight ridges along her forehead, does not look much like her mother. She hesitates to come near me, bringing her thumb up toward her mouth. "It's okay. She wants to make friends with you," her mother coaxes. Not budging, the girl maintains her stare, her eyes mirroring my own fears.
A boy, twice her size, steps out and passes his sister. There is no hesitation in his step. Perched on his shoulder, he has a small four-legged creature about the size of a squirrel. It has grey fur, pointy ears and long buck teeth. It chitters and begins clawing playfully with his hair. I am impressed by how well he tolerates the distraction. I sense in him an eagerness to embrace the world. Like me, he has been cooped up on a starship his entire life and longs for every chance to explore. I am amazed at how clearly I can read him and at how quickly his mood softens mine. There is nothing to fear from this boy.
With a giggle, I meet him partway across the living area. "Oh, he's so cute!" I exclaim, reaching out to pet the creature. It darts across his head to perch on his other shoulder.
"I'm afraid Rascal's a bit timid," he says, extending a hand up to calm the creature. "That means he's afraid of strangers."
"I know what it means. I have a private tutor, Data the android. He teaches me all sorts of words." I wonder if I sound as though I'm boasting. Maybe if I behaved more like a normal child, I could make a friend.
"Jeremy, why don't you show her some of your other pets?" his mother suggests, obviously trying to ease the awkwardness between us.
"You have other pets!"
His mother laughs heartily. "If he had his way, he'd own one of every non-sentient creature in the Delta Quadrant. I'm surprised the captain puts up with as many as he has."
I smile at this. Captain Janeway struck me as a woman who does not back down on any decision or belief. She must have a great fondness for the boy. "I like pets because they are your friends no matter what," he explains. He gestures toward his bedroom. Come. I'll show you." Gently, he removes Rascal from his shoulder to cradle the creature in his arms. The pet lies placid in his arms. Such tenderness. Such unconditional love.
"That's why I like my pets, too," I agree. I think about Sam and Al and realize how important they have become to me. They depend on me completely. "But doesn't it get a little crowded if you have too many?" We enter his room and I marvel at the variety of animals from water faring to burrowing. "How do you sleep at night?"
"I sleep just fine," he responds without further explanation. I watch as Jeremy takes Rascal over to the cage closest to his bed and slips the pet inside. Sitting down on the edge of his bed, he feeds Rascal from a small bag on the floor. I giggle as it accepts the offering and prances back and forth, scattering loose bedding.
I hear a yapping sound and turn around to see a cage in the corner with a blanket draped over it. I walk toward it ready to lift the blanket.
"Don't!" Jeremy snaps, jumping up to grasp my arm firmly. Staring into his dark eyes, I'm momentarily overwhelmed by his fear. It is only after he loosens his grip that I realize he is not afraid I might hurt his pet, but rather he is afraid for me. ""She's a nocturnal animal. "She might nip at you if you try to play with her."
"Then why do you have such a creature?"
He chuckles and his adorable dimples highlight his enthusiasm. "If you really want to know...if you're really serious, I have a lot of information in my data padd on all of my pets."
I study this boy. Other than family, I haven't had any direct contact with another Klingon. As alien as that is for me, it dawns on me that Jeremy has had no contact with the Alpha Quadrant. The Delta Quadrant has been his home his entire life. Despite this, I feel an immediate harmony between us. Maybe he and I could become friends.
"Would you like to see something from the Alpha Quadrant? I have a couple pet mice," I tell him.
"Would I!" His excitement dances in the pupils of his eyes. I can't recall ever being this anxious to show anyone anything. My parents will be so pleased that I am finally making a friend!
When we enter my quarters, I'm disappointed Motheris not around. How can I prove to her that I can make a friend easily if she's not around to watch? I try not let this disappointment slow me down as I lead Jeremy into my bedroom.
He kneels down in front of the cage to look directly at the two rodents. "Can we let them out? I'd like to pet one of them."
"Of course. They are very friendly." I walk up to unfasten the latch. "You will be surprised to know that many people during Earth's history were afraid of mice, and yet they can be very docile and affectionate pets." I slip my hand into the cage, and Al places a paw playfully on my finger. We both giggle as the rodent wiggles his pink nose. I lift him out of the cage and he scurries across to Jeremy's welcoming arm. Amazingly, Al seems quite calm to perch on a stranger's shoulder. "He acts as though he knows you."
"Animals like me," Jeremy explained.
"I do too," I blurt out before realizing what I'm saying. "I mean--"
He places a hand on my shoulder and for a moment, I cannot breathe. Then I realize he is merely offering Al a bridge to climb back to his master. Once my pet comes to me, I return him to his cage.
"Well, I have to go," Jeremy says abruptly and rising clumsily, he backs away and rushes out the door.
I want to follow him, but something prevents me from moving my feet. What is wrong with me? Why am I suddenly so timid? I am never going to make a real friend if I don't open myself up to them.
*****
"Please Mommy!" Eric is begging at the dinner table. He wants to invite a couple of friends for a sleep over. It is bad enough having one five-year old boy around our quarters. What will I do if I have two or three more to contend with?"
"Sleep overs are lots of fun, Deanna," Grandma says. "Remember the ones you used to have during the summers?"
"Yes, Mother, I remember them quite well. Actually, I think it's a good idea," Mother says, looking in Father's direction as though half-expecting him to counter.
"As long as you plan to supervise, Deanna," Father says, implying that he will tolerate a few extra children around as long as some amount of control is maintained. How much chance is there of that? I wonder as I eye my brother, who is leaning precariously in his chair. I can't believe Mother, Father, and Grandma are all in agreement on something. Something I wish desperately to avoid!
"The Voyager children have never had any contact with the Alpha Quadrant, and they need to feel welcome," Mother continues. "It will become home for most of them from now on." She turns toward me, and I sense she is determined that Eric's "good idea" will become a family affair. I shake my head in protest, but before I utter a single word, she and Grandma are already planning the next twenty-four hours of my life. Father listens, only adding input when he believes Grandma's suggestions are a bit extravagant.
I suppose it won't be too bad having Naomi Wildman over for a night. But why must Mother insist on Sierra Paris? The girl is half my age!
*****
"Who tucks you in at night?" Naomi asks as we slip into our nightgowns.
For the last two hours since her arrival, we have played with Sam and Al, rearranged the tiny furniture in my dollhouse, and drawn pictures on data padds. At one point, Naomi asked me where all my dolls were, and I informed her that I gave up playing with them a couple of years ago. She's older than me. Does she still play with them? Now she is asking if I'm tucked in at night! I try not to roll my eyes. Maybe Naomi is more of a baby than I expected.
"My Father used to when I was a little girl," I respond. "But I haven't needed help falling asleep for a long time." Just barely, I refrain from telling her that my little brother no longer even asks to be tucked into bed. " I read my own bedtime stories. I turn off my own light. Who tucks you in?"
"No one," she replies nervously. "I was only thinking of Sierra." Although I sense that Naomi is lying, I follow her gaze toward the four-year old sitting on my floor. Sierra is clutching a small blanket she brought with her and has her thumb firmly affixed inside her mouth. She has not spoken a word since her mother dropped her off thirty minutes ago. Her mother had been reluctant to even allow her to spend the night away from her, but somehow my Mother convinced her.
Mother can be very persuasive.
Climbing onto the bed, Naomi wiggles under the covers and holds them tightly against her chin.
"You're afraid of the dark!" I exclaim. I don't mean to sound harsh, but immediately realize I am not faring well for someone desperately in need of friends. "I'm sorry. I guess we're all afraid of something."
"My friend Neelix takes away all my fears. He comes sometimes to tuck me in...but not as often as he used to. I love listening to the tales of his people."
As Sierra climbs onto the bed and crawls under the cover beside me, I ask Naomi to share one of these stories with us. I listen intently, trying not to cry during the sad parts. Mostly, I am fascinated by the genuine closeness Naomi feels toward this man from the Delta Quadrant. "I'm afraid I will never make friends," I tell her. "Please, be my friend."
"Of course," she says and clutches my hand. "But don't you already have friends aboard the Enterprise? Who do you play with at school?"
"I don't go to regular school. I'm tutored by Commander Data. I guess, he's my only friend."
"No, he's not. I will also be your friend." We smile warmly at each other.
"Me too!" Sierra pipes up and this sends us into a fit of giggles.
We talk for a long while, swapping adventure stories. I tell her about my time with the Akodians and about tracking pocket wormholes. For some reason, I am reluctant to tell her about Q. Why should I spoil this night by making her feel inferior?
First Sierra drops off to sleep and then Naomi eventually follows. Although quite tired myself, I'm unable to drift into the comforts of my dreams. From out in the living area, I hear someone. Who would be up at this hour? I decide to find out and carefully slip out of the covers and around Sierra without waking either of my guests.
Sitting on the sofa, playing a hologame, is Jeremy Paris. As I sit down in the chair across from him, he does not seem startled by my arrival. "Why are you up so late?" I ask. Hopefully, I don't sound too demanding. I am delighted to find him awake. Having enjoyed our visit the other day, I'm anxious to learn more about this boy.
"Couldn't sleep. Too crowded in the bed. Besides, I miss Rascal and my other pets. You?" His game ends and he sets it on the coffee table.
"Same." I slide out of the chair and onto my knees. "Could you teach me how to play your game?"
"Sure. But I doubt you'll find it as exciting as leaping through pocket wormholes."
I shrug. "If everything in life were that exciting, we'd have nothing to look forward to. Given a choice, I'd much rather live an ordinary life in a house instead of a starship."
"Really? You'd give up the adventures of discovering new races and new technologies for a house! What would this house look like? One or two stories? Would it have a fenced-in yard?"
I sense he is becoming quite excited about this idea and entertain the notion that the boy who's life centers on a myriad of pets would also be happier on a planet where he could interact with nature. "Two stories," I respond. "And on the kitchen table, there would be fresh roses cut from the garden."
"A garden would be nice. I've always liked the hydroponics bay on Voyager, but I'm sure a real one would be much nicer. If I ever have a real garden, I'll plant roses just for you."
"That's sweet," I say, lowering my eyes in embarrassment.
"I'm sorry. Do you not like that idea?"
"That's not it. I've never had such an offer."
He smiles. "I want a way to thank you for rescuing us. That was incredible what you did."
I don't want hero worship. Does he only want to be my friend because he thinks I'm superior to him? I certainly don't feel superior.
Fortunately, he breaks the growing tension between us. "So if you get your house, what planet would you choose to live on?"
"That's easy. I'd choose to live on Betazed with my Grandma. People are open about their telepathic abilities there. Mind reading is acceptable and no one has anything to hide."
"I don't want others to know all my thoughts," Jeremy says nervously. He reaches for his game as a distraction and resets it. "You said you wanted me to teach you how to play this game. Were you serious?"
Before I respond, my parents step out of their bedroom having been awoken by our chatter. "What is going on!" Mother exclaims.
"Shannara, come here!" Father orders.
What have I done wrong? Why am I getting into trouble now? Instead of listening, I look dumbfoundedly at my companion. He appears as perplexed as I am.
Before I can snap out of my daze, Father briskly walks toward me and grabs me by the arm. "Go to Eric's room," he orders Jeremy. The boy snatches up his hologame and dashes into my brother's room. "You will come with us." He is forcing me toward their room and Mother follows quietly behind. He points at the bed with his free hand. "Sit!"
Seeing no way out, I take a spot at the foot of the bed. I do not look at Father. Why is he so angry with me?
"Why were you out of bed?" Father asks. I open my mouth to answer, but he is already asking the next question. "Why were you with that boy?"
That boy! Father makes it sound as though I should consider Jeremy my enemy. "I thought you wanted me to make friends. We were only talking."
"During the middle of the night. In your pajamas."
Mother stares quietly at us. I am finding it difficult to sense what she is feeling.
"It is inappropriate to spend time with boys when you are undressed," Father continues.
Looking down at my lap, I trace the pattern of my nightgown with my finger. I didn't intend to do any wrong. I only want Father to be proud of me, because finally, I am making a couple of friends. Made. Why would they want anything to do with me now? I am just a troublemaker.
When I look back up at Mother, she finally says, "Go to your own room now, Shannara. Sleep."
I stand, and walking slowly toward the door, I glare at her. So this is it. She's not going to defend my innocence. After she insisted that a sleep over was an easy way for me to make friends, Mother has condemned me to a life without them.
I return to my room and instead of slipping into bed, I sit on the floor in front of my dollhouse. I stare at the tiny family inside, sitting at their kitchen table where Naomi and I left them earlier. I imagine a vase filled with fresh roses in the center of the table and I smile between my tears.
